- Caroline Ingalls: Men will never learn how to shop. Charles went to the Mercantile yesterday and bought so much stuff that I'll never be able to use it...
- Alice Garvey: Caroline, close friends should never try to lie to one another. I can use. Thank you.
- Alice Garvey: How did you get the money?
- Jonathan Garvey: I sold the team.
- Alice Garvey: You what?
- Jonathan Garvey: It was worth it just to see the look on Mrs. Olsen's face when I paid the entire bill and I bought all this besides.
- Alice Garvey: You sold the team? How could you? How could you do such a foolish thing? Those horses were the only sure thing we had of getting back on your feet again. Jonathan, what's on your mind?
- Jonathan Garvey: Providing. Providing for the needs of my family. What else is ever on my mind?
- Laura Ingalls: Why do people get divorced?
- Charles Ingalls: I don't know, lots of reasons I guess. I don't think we even know anybody that's been divorced.
- Laura Ingalls: I wish we still didn't.
- Caroline Ingalls: I hope that being right is enough for you, because you sure are paying a high price for it... so is Andrew,
- Jonathan Garvey: You don't have to worry about us. We aren't unreasonable people.
- Judge Picker: You must be if you're getting a divorce.
- Judge Picker: [in response to Charles bursting out in laughter during the Garveys' divorce hearing] You better tell me why you're laughing!
- Charles Ingalls: He says that she says, that he said, she said... You didn't... She didn't say you were crazy, you said you were crazy.
- Jonathan Garvey: Well, what did she say?
- Charles Ingalls: [Still laughing uncontrollably] I don't know what she said.
- [Charles' laughter is catching. Soon, they are all laughing about it. Suddenly, the Garveys are in each other's arms, still laughing]
- Judge Picker: [bangs his gavel] I want everyone to remain very calm.
- [laughter continues]
- Judge Picker: I only want to know... are we... or are we not getting a divorce?
- Jonathan Garvey: Well... I don't know. Are you?
- [Increased laughter]
- Judge Picker: Mr. Garvey, I'm going to concur with the general consensus. Your wife did not tell you you're crazy... But I am! I'm telling all of ya... You're crazy!