- Josie: [Talking to Mrs. Oleson after she is hired as a bar maid] You could use a little makeup on those crows feet.
- Harriet Oleson: I beg your pardon? Those aren't crows feet, they are laugh lines!
- Josie: Oh, Honey! Nothin's that funny!
- Harriet Oleson: Well, if you loved
- [the children]
- Harriet Oleson: you would send them to the school!
- Nels Oleson: Well, I've got a life insurance policy. If I kill myself, then we'd have enough money to send them to the private school.
- Harriet Oleson: Nells... would you do that?
- Nels Oleson: Of course not!
- Harriet Oleson: I should have known... for one moment there, I felt so close to you!
- Mary Ingalls: [Charles walks into the room all busted up after a fight] Pa, I was afraid you'd get in a fight with those two men.
- Charles Ingalls: You don't have to worry about me. I'm a farmer, not a fighter.
- Jonathan Garvey: You can say that again.
- Laura Ingalls: Did you ever hear anyone ever make up an excuse like that?
- Charles Ingalls: Mm hm. Yeah. You.
- Harriet Oleson: Even Dr. Baker prescribed alcohol to his patients. Lights out at 9 pm
- Willie Oleson: I guess we have to tell people at school that ma is a nurse.