- Various Roles: Eddie Howard - I press flowers and stroke kittens and swim in rivers wearing dresses and hats... and shit.
- Daffyd: [meeting the other gay man in the village] As I was just saying to Myfanwy, it's such a shame I am the only gay in this village.
- The Other Gay Man: Oh, well, I'm a gay.
- Daffyd: I don't think so.
- The Other Gay Man: No, I bloody am, you know. Old Ma Evans said I should come and speak to you, cause you're the only gay in this village. Well, now you're not. Now there's two of us.
- Daffyd: Alright. If you're a gay, who played Dorothy in the film, the Wizard of Oz?
- The Other Gay Man, Myfanwy: Judy Garland.
- Daffyd: How did you know that?
- Myfanwy: It's easy, everyone knows that.
- Daffyd: Alright, then, this will sort out the gays from the not-gays. Who is the gay character in Are You Being Served?
- Everyone: Mr. Humphries!
- Daffyd: Was it?
- Everyone: Yes!
- Daffyd: Well, that's very subtle, then. I always thought it was Captain Peacock, he's the one with the moustache.
- The Other Gay Man: Well, I seemed to have passed your gay test, so I must be gay.
- Daffyd: No, you are not the gay, I am the gay. You're probably just a little bit poofy.
- The Other Gay Man: I am a gay. I've slept with men, and everything!
- Myfanwy: That's more than you've had, Daffyd.
- Daffyd: Shut up, Myfanwy! I am the only gay man in this village, and that's that!
- The Other Gay Man: Well, maybe I should go.
- Daffyd: Yes, maybe you should! We've already got one gay in Llandewi Breffi, we don't need another one!
- The Other Gay Man: Well, goodbye, then.
- [he leaves]
- Myfanwy: Daffyd Thomas, you stupid man. You could've had a bit of cock there!
- Myfanwy: [mocking] "I'm the only gay man in this village", you're full of shit, you.
- Daffyd: That's exactly the kind of homophobic attitude I've come to expect in this village! Good day!