Matt Lucas: Various Roles

Quotes 

• Daffyd : [meeting the other gay man in the village]  As I was just saying to Myfanwy, it's such a shame I am the only gay in this village.

  The Other Gay Man : Oh, well, I'm a gay.

  Daffyd : I don't think so.

  The Other Gay Man : No, I bloody am, you know. Old Ma Evans said I should come and speak to you, cause you're the only gay in this village. Well, now you're not. Now there's two of us.

  Daffyd : Alright. If you're a gay, who played Dorothy in the film, the Wizard of Oz?

  The Other Gay Man , Myfanwy : Judy Garland.

  Daffyd : How did you know that?

  Myfanwy : It's easy, everyone knows that.

  Daffyd : Alright, then, this will sort out the gays from the not-gays. Who is the gay character in Are You Being Served?

  Everyone : Mr. Humphries!

  Daffyd : Was it?

  Everyone : Yes!

  Daffyd : Well, that's very subtle, then. I always thought it was Captain Peacock, he's the one with the moustache.

  The Other Gay Man : Well, I seemed to have passed your gay test, so I must be gay.

  Daffyd : No, you are not the gay, I am the gay. You're probably just a little bit poofy.

  The Other Gay Man : I am a gay. I've slept with men, and everything!

  Myfanwy : That's more than you've had, Daffyd.

  Daffyd : Shut up, Myfanwy! I am the only gay man in this village, and that's that!

  The Other Gay Man : Well, maybe I should go.

  Daffyd : Yes, maybe you should! We've already got one gay in Llandewi Breffi, we don't need another one!

  The Other Gay Man : Well, goodbye, then.

  [he leaves] 

  Myfanwy : Daffyd Thomas, you stupid man. You could've had a bit of cock there!

  Myfanwy : [mocking]  "I'm the only gay man in this village", you're full of shit, you.

  Daffyd : That's exactly the kind of homophobic attitude I've come to expect in this village! Good day!