- Ernest Pratt: [turning down breakfast and pouring himself a glass of Whiskey instead] I never eat on an empty stomach.
- Ernest Pratt: Madam, I assure you, I am merely Ernest Pratt. Ink-stained wretch of a man, sometimes successful author - and free for the evening, incidentally.
- Ernest Pratt: Allow me to offer the hospitality of the city. I can show you the sights of San Francisco tourists rarely see... my hotel room for example.
- Janos Bartok: Of course I understand what I've done. Unfortunately I'm frequently the only one who does.
- Janos Bartok: I call it the 'Bartok Steam-Powered Town and Country Quadro-Velocipede'.
- Ernest Pratt: I call it a land rover.
- Ernest Pratt: I just can't assume the identity of Nicodemus Legend!
- Janos Bartok: Why not?
- Ernest Pratt: Because we're nothing alike! He leaps wide canyons, runs like a deer, swims like a spawning salmon... except for the spawning part I can't do any of that.
- Janos Bartok: I live with the firm conviction that one man can make a difference in his life. Even as we speak there is a man back east by the name of Alexander Graham Bell who is perfecting a device which I predict will cause no end of trouble.
- Janos Bartok: Don't worry, we'll be right behind you.
- Ernest Pratt: So, logistically speaking, I'll be between you and the bullet, right?
- Ernest Pratt: It's unethical. It's immoral. It's how we built this great nation. But it's not illegal.
- John Wesley Coe: You tell Mr. Legend that death has come to town.
- Skeeter: And first name would be...?
- Harry Parver: [reading from copy of telegram] Imperative you meet public appearance obligations, stop. Last Legend novel barely recouped expenses, stop. If contract not complied with, advance on next book forfeit...
- Nicodemus Legend/Ernest Pratt: STOP!