Martin Short credited as playing...
Sebastian Ballentine • Henry Palaver
- Sebastian Ballentine: Look, I have worked with many other police departments on missing persons cases. My name is Sebastian Ballentine.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: The Sebastian Ballentine?
- Sebastian Ballentine: Oh, you've heard of me.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: No.
- [turns away to take a phone call]
- Sebastian Ballentine: I know what you're thinking.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: [skeptical] Of course you do. You're psychic.
- Sebastian Ballentine: You think I'm mentally ill.
- Capt. Donald Cragen: He's good.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: [to Ballentine] What is it about this virgin compulsion? Afraid you're not gonna measure up to other men?
- Sebastian Ballentine: No, no, no. I'm more than adequate in bed. The expression on a girl's face her first time is incomparable.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: These girls weren't having sex. They were being raped.
- Sebastian Ballentine: Their faces were palettes. Shock, confusion, panic, fear and always just a soupçon of pain.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: Why'd you come here? You know, if you hadn't, you might've gotten away with it.
- Sebastian Ballentine: Well, I had to see what I had set into motion. Your expressions were priceless. This place was like a beehive that I poked with a stick and also I just I like to help.
- Sebastian Ballentine: [to Sister Peg] And you're a madam?
- Sister Peg: No, I'm a nun. What are you?
- Sebastian Ballentine: I'm a psychic.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: [to Ballentine after he comes over to the Sellers house to do a psychic reading] What's your angle, you little vulture?
- Sebastian Ballentine: I was just trying to help.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: That woman is out of her mind with worry. She doesn't need your help.
- Sebastian Ballentine: I keep seeing a serial port and a computer cord. Does that mean anything to you?
- Detective Elliot Stabler: Maybe he met her over the Internet.
- Sebastian Ballentine: Yes, I'm seeing that.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: No, you're not. Computer Crimes went over Kaley's computer. There are no suspicious e-mails. She never visited a chat room, you pathetic fraud.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: [When Ballentine returns to the SVU squad room] Now, what part of "stay out of this" don't you understand?
- Sebastian Ballentine: Look, I just I feel that this is where I'm meant to be.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: Then you are the world's worst psychic.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: [to Ballentine] You're still here.
- Sebastian Ballentine: Of course. I feel like a bad piece of furniture. No matter where they move me, I seem to be in the way.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: You're saying you've been here all night?
- Sebastian Ballentine: You asked me to wait for you, didn't you?
- Detective Elliot Stabler: You never left this building.
- Sebastian Ballentine: Does astral projection count?
- Capt. Donald Cragen: You're free to go, Mr. Ballentine.
- Sebastian Ballentine: Are you sure? Don't really feel like I've convinced Detective Stabler yet. I hate to leave him with unresolved angst.
- Capt. Donald Cragen: Your wife and baby are waiting.
- Sebastian Ballentine: No, they aren't.
- Capt. Donald Cragen: Well, you finally missed one, Kreskin.
- Sebastian Ballentine: [last lines; to Stabler] Well, this was fun. Best sex I ever had.
- Detective Elliot Stabler: You know they're looking to extradite your sorry ass back to Canada, but I'm gonna make damn sure you stay right here.
- Sebastian Ballentine: I believe you really mean that. I kinda grew on you, didn't I?