Amber Tamblyn credited as playing...
Joan Girardi
- Joan Girardi: Last night, my mom's aunt made us chant some Indian nature prayer she learned in New Mexico.
- Adam Rove: Sounds cool.
- Joan Girardi: Yeah, until you have to pose like a deer while she dances around you waving snake teeth. My dad was really happy about that.
- Adam Rove: My aunt has this big thing on her neck. It used to freak me out, like she was growing another head.
- Joan Girardi: What does that have to do with anything?
- Adam Rove: We were talking about aunts, weren't we?
- Joan Girardi: No, we were talking about me. Only two more days. My mom has this permanent serial killer smile glued to her face. I hope she makes it.
- Woman with Cats God: They'll be put to sleep if they're not adopted.
- Joan Girardi: Looks like they could use the sleep.
- Woman with Cats God: You could adopt one, Joan.
- Joan Girardi: I hate cats. This you know.
- Woman with Cats God: They were born on the streets, wild. They need a home.
- Joan Girardi: How about I get a puppy?
- [God shakes her head]
- Joan Girardi: Hamster?
- [another head shake]
- Joan Girardi: Sea monkeys?
- Luke Girardi: Why would someone who has repeatedly claimed that she hates cats get a cat?
- Joan Girardi: They were gonna kill it.
- Kevin Girardi: But a cat?
- Joan Girardi: I'm a puzzle, okay?
- Joan Girardi: Introducing the newest Girardi, Larry the cat.
- Helen Girardi: You got a cat?
- Joan Girardi: Yeah.
- Aunt Olive: It's wild, isn't it?
- Joan Girardi: Uh, yeah.
- Aunt Olive: Well, get rid of it. They can't be tamed.
- Joan Girardi: No, the-the pamphlet shows you how to domesticate them.
- Kevin Girardi: Tell that to Siegfried.
- Luke Girardi: No, I think it was Roy.
- Luke Girardi: Have a cricket. Good for sex.
- Helen Girardi: Luke.
- Adam Rove: I'm going in.
- Aunt Olive: Oh, good for you.
- Joan Girardi: Ew! This is like Arcadia "Fear Factor".
- Joan Girardi: You two look deep into something.
- Grace Polk: Eh, Madame Curie here is just trying to recruit me for the science fair again.
- Luke Girardi: It's just, the competition's fierce and, you know...
- Joan Girardi: Nodding off.
- Judith Montgomery: You don't want to be a cat person, Jo-Jo. They're antisocial, sexually frustrated introverts...
- Joan Girardi: Oh, stow the shrink-isms. I'm taking care of one of God's creatures.
- Grace Polk: Dude, we eat most of his little creatures.
- Judith Montgomery: And your aunt eats the rest, from what I hear.
- Adam Rove: Your mom is driving me nuts with this pop art assignment. This is...
- Joan Girardi: Try sharing the same DNA with her.
- Adam Rove: If you haven't found anyone to take care of Larry, I can.
- Joan Girardi: Oh, but your dad's allergic.
- Adam Rove: Oh, I'll keep him in the shed.
- Joan Girardi: Thanks, but the pamphlet says he needs to sleep with someone in the same room at night.
- Adam Rove: Well, I fall asleep working out there all the time anyway.
- Joan Girardi: Really?
- Adam Rove: Yeah.
- Joan Girardi: [kissing him] Thank you. He's so sweet. That's a lie, but thank you.
- Joan Girardi: I lost him. I tried everything. I swear. It's just my aunt... he's probably just under a bus somewhere, and it's all my fault.
- Woman with Cats God: Running away, it's his nature.
- Joan Girardi: But I thought I was supposed to change him.
- Woman with Cats God: Why do you think he was the one who was supposed to change?