- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: What was this genie like?
- Major Nelson: Oh, she was - um, just your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill genie.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Of course. Beautiful?
- Major Nelson: Yes, yeah.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Desirable? And helpful?
- Major Nelson: Yes, yes.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Captain, that's the classic fantasy. A beautiful girl on a desert island. A girl who would do anything for you. Do you know who that girl was?
- Major Nelson: No, sir. I've never seen her before in my life.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: She was your mother.
- Major Nelson: My mother's in Salt Lake City, sir.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: I'm a psychiatrist. I know a mother when I see one.
- [after Melissa leaves]
- Jeannie: What was that one doing here, Master?
- Major Nelson: That one was my fiancée.
- Jeannie: Hah. Thou art kidding.
- Major Nelson: Now, just a minute, young lady. Melissa happens to be a very...
- Jeannie: A black-haired demon.
- Major Nelson: Oh, well, yeah. Look who's talking.
- Jeannie: I can do much more for thee than she can.
- [thows her arms around his neck]
- Major Nelson: Now-now, stop that, Jeannie. We don't do that in America.
- Melissa Stone: Goodbye Tony.
- Major Nelson: No, no. You don't understand.
- Melissa Stone: Oh, I'm afraid I do understand.
- [Melissa stares at Jeannie standing in front of Tony's bedroom, still clad in 'Master's' shirt, before she faces him again, trying to stay calm]
- Melissa Stone: Tony... I may be, tolerant, but...
- [explodes in frustration]
- Melissa Stone: But that's a GIRL!
- [running to front door]
- Melissa Stone: IT'S A GIRL!
- [slams door on her way out]
- Major Nelson: Jeannie, that's marvelous. I don't know how to thank you.
- Jeannie: [putting her arms around his neck] I will teach thee, Master.
- [Jeannie walks into the room wearing only one of Captain Nelson's shirts]
- Major Nelson: Well. Well, look - look who's here.
- Melissa Stone: I'm looking.
- Major Nelson: Oh, uh, Me-Melissa, this is - This is Jeannie.
- Melissa Stone: Tony. I've always prided myself on being tolerant, but - But would you explain to me, what is that girl doing here?
- Major Nelson: Uh, w-well, that's the explanation. She's not here.
- [Jeannie giggles]
- Melissa Stone: What?
- Major Nelson: Uh, w-well, she is here, but of course, uh, she's not a girl.
- [Jeannie folds her arms, clearly mad]
- Gen. Wingard Stone: [Upon the sudden arrival of General Stone and Dr Bellows, Tony has hidden Jeannie's bottle in a garbage can] Dr Bellows tells me you had a hallucination back on that island.
- Major Nelson: Um, you really didn't need to tell the General that, sir.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: I'm only trying to safeguard the welfare of my astronauts, Captain.
- Major Nelson: But I'm fine now sir, really. There's no girl in a bottle.
- [just notices that a garbage truck has just pulled up and 2 garbagemen have emptied the trash can with Jeannie's bottle in it into the compactor]
- Major Nelson: STOP! Wait! There's a girl in there!
- [runs over whilst Dr Bellows and the General look on]
- First Garbage Man: [sarcastically] Oh really? She must have slipped past us.
- Major Nelson: No, really. There's a girl in there! She's in a bottle!
- [Garbage men ignore him. The trash compactor starts up]
- Major Nelson: STOP! STOP! You'll kill her! I - I'll buy the garbage from you!
- First Garbage Man: [to his colleague] Charge for garbage?
- Second Garbage Man: Well, this is a good neighbourhood, we got a good grade of garbage.
- Major Nelson: Here, I'll give you $20
- [gives him the money]
- Major Nelson: Jeannie! Jeannie!
- [rummages through the garbage in the truck]
- Major Nelson: Jeannie, speak to me!
- [finds bottle]
- Major Nelson: Ah! Here she is.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: [Dr Bellows and General Stone have been watching all this in bemusement] Come with us, Captain Nelson, we'll buy you all the garbage you want.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: [Dr. Bellows enters his office with a wry grin, only to find Tony and Melissa kissing each other passionately] I'm always fascinated by these local courtship customs!
- Jeannie: Thou hast set me free. That means that I am free to please thee. And I am going to please thee very much.
- Major Nelson: [Jeannie is wearing Tony's shirt] I wish you'd take my shirt off, Jeannie.
- [Jeannie begins to take off the shirt]
- Major Nelson: No, no! I mean, I wish you'd put on your own clothes.
- [Jeannie transforms into her own clothes]
- Major Nelson: Thanks. You're just not Air Force, Jeannie. I have a career. I have a fiancée.
- Jeannie: 'That One', she is made of ice. She could never make thee happy.
- Jeannie: For over 2000 years I've been in that bottle. And then... Then this hand released me. Oh, when I saw thy wise face, I cannot tell thee how much happiness thou hast brought to me.
- Major Nelson: How'd you get in that crazy bottle, anyway?
- Jeannie: Oh, a wicked and powerful jinn put me in there, because I would not marry him.