- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Hey where did we get the groceries?
- Jeannie: Oh, I went shopping early this morning.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: You left the house?
- Jeannie: Yes. I had to hurry down to my neighborhood grocer to shop for your supper.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Well, now, who told you to do that?
- Jeannie: A man on television.
- Jeannie: Figures.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: [after Tony wishes for Jeannie to get rid of his swimming pool, she zaps it away, leaving his head stuck in the patio concrete] Help!
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Say, has the weather changed much in the last two thousand years?
- Jeannie: Oh, weather is weather. In ancient Persia we had an old saying: "Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it."
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: You're kidding.
- Jeannie: I jest you not, Master.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Hey, where are we?
- Jeannie: We're at the market place, Master. Oh, and there is Ali, the man who hit me.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Wait a second. Wait. That was two thousand years ago?
- Jeannie: Yes.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Well, why were you crying about it this morning?
- Jeannie: I just remembered it.
- Auctioneer: [Tony is placed on slave auction] How much do I hear?
- Bidder: One shekel is all he is worth.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: One shekel? I'm a college graduate! I'm worth at least... Let me out of here!
- Auctioneer: Did I not tell thee he was high-spirited.
- Bidder: Three shekels.
- Auctioneer: Oh, three shekels. He is worth twenty times that much. Look, look at these teeth!
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: I have a lot of cavities. I use the wrong toothpaste! I appreciate your interest in me, Sir. But I am late for the office. Excuse me.
- Jeannie: [introducing Tony to Ali] This is Nelson, flier through the moons of space. This is Ali, killer of many giant men.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Captain Anthony Nelson, United States Air Force, serial number 36076A. And that's all the information I'm required to give.
- Jeannie: I came as quickly as I could to tell you the news. Oh, Mama. I can hardly wait for you to meet your new Son-In-Law.
- Jeannie's Mother: Oh, my dear.
- Jeannie's Father: And what does he do for a living, my daughter?
- Jeannie: Oh, he flies through space, Papa.
- Jeannie's Father: From this he makes a living?
- Jeannie: He is most clever.
- Jeannie: [introducing Tony to her parents] This is Nelson, flier through the moons of space. This is my mother.
- Jeannie's Father: It is sad. We were such a happy family before the tragedy overtook us.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Tragedy?
- Jeannie's Father: When our daughter refused to marry the wicked Djinn and he turned her into a genie.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Oh, yes, that. Well, every family has its little problems. Will the wedding be soon, Sir? I'd like to see it, but I really ought to be getting back to Cocoa Beach.
- Jeannie's Father: What is this 'Cocoa Beach'?
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: It's a little town east of... Baghdad.
- Jeannie's Father: Tell me, my son, how many camels dost thou have?
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Why... why none. I...
- Jeannie's Father: None?
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Well... well, I mean, I have none with me.
- [both chuckle]
- Jeannie's Father: My daughter tells me that thou art a prince among princes.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Well, you know how Jeannie exaggerates.
- [both laugh]
- Jeannie's Father: I would wager that thou hast a king's ransom in goats and oxen.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Yeah, well, I-I can honestly say I have as many goats and oxen as anyone in Cocoa Beach.
- Jeannie's Father: I'm pleased to hear that.
- Jeannie: Did you really mean it when you said that I was the greatest thing that ever happened to you?
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: I refuse to answer on the grounds I may incriminate myself.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Come on, let's go.
- Jeannie: Where?
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Well, down to the market. Maybe we can still catch him.
- Jeannie: Please, do not bother. You-you have to go breathe.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: I do not have to breathe.