- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: [referring to the curly hair and curly beard Jeannie gave him] Uh, Jeannie, if I go around Cape Kennedy like this, they'll blast me off without a capsule.
- Capt. Roger Healey: [Tony and Roger are told they'll be training at Skull Flats, Utah] "Skull Flats." You know, General, I'm not complaining, but for once I'd like to go on one of these survival missions to a place called, oh, like, "Happy Valley" or "Merry Meadows," hmm?
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: [Tony puts the stopper on Jeannie's bottle as Roger approaches him] There! You'll be safe right here.
- Capt. Roger Healey: Yeah, but how safe am I gonna be in the desert with a guy who talks to bottles?
- Capt. Roger Healey: Boy, it must be 110 in the shade out here. If there was any shade.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Well, cheer up. It's only 7 o'clock in the morning.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: You come out of there. Now, now, come on. I'm in no mood to play games. Jeannie, look. Don't be afraid.
- [Roger notices that Tony is talking into his canteen; to Jeannie]
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: I... I just want to talk to you.
- Capt. Roger Healey: Talking to your canteen? Aren't you afraid your bottle will get jealous?
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: No, I wasn't talking to it! I was... well, you know...
- [blows into it as if playing a jug]
- Capt. Roger Healey: [a bit annoyed] Would you like me to play a few verses on my comb of 'Sugar Blues', or shall we get on with the survival mission?
- Jeannie: Oh, cleverest master in all the world, teach me the meaning of this strange incantation.
- [makes sound like blowing over the top of a bottle]
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Where am I? Where am I? What's that?
- Jeannie: Baktu malali. An ancient Persian remedy
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Oh, boy. What is it?
- Jeannie: Hot chicken soup.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: [to Jeannie] It's wonderful, but I can't gorge myself on roast lamb while my buddy is out eating needles.
- Capt. Roger Healey: Hey, you know something? I must be cracking up. I could swear I smell roast lamb.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Huh? Oh. Oh, that. Yeah, well, I got so hungry I cooked my shoe and I ate it.
- Capt. Roger Healey: Roast shoe? How did it taste?
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: A lot like roast lamb.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: [Tony is trying to explain to Dr. Bellows how he survived the mission] Roger chose the hard way, and I chose the easy way.
- Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Obviously! Captain Healey lost twelve pounds traveling thirty miles in seven days, while you turn up three days early, seventy-five miles from the Drop Zone... and looking like the guest of honor at the Gourmet's Club!
- Jeannie: [after Dr. Bellows leaves] Too rich food! That doctor, I don't think I like him.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Well, if he caught you here, I don't think he'd be too happy either. You better beat it.
- Jeannie: You will love the desert of Saudi Arabia. I know a pool there.
- Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: I bet you do.