Neil Patrick Harris nel ruolo di...
Barney Stinson
- Ted Mosby: [Sees someone in a penguin costume making a "Tootsie Roll"] Uh, excuse me? This is going to sound crazy, but... I met someone up on this roof four years ago, and they mixed that cocktail, and-and they loved penguins... by any chance, was that you?
- [Penguin seems to straighten up in recognition]
- Ted Mosby: It's you. Everyone thought I was crazy, but I came ...
- Barney: [Takes his penguin mask off] You are such a loser!
- [Ted turns away, frustrated]
- Barney: Come on, I came back for *you*, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score Hula Girl's number. Check and check!
- Ted Mosby: Unbelievable.
- Barney: Yes, it is.
- Hula Girl: [Sees Barney with his mask off] Wait a minute. You're that lame army guy.
- Barney: What? No, no, that's some other guy. And he was a kick-ass fighter pilot.
- Hula Girl: I cannot believe I gave you my number.
- Barney: Yeah, well, you did. Thanks.
- Hula Girl: Yeah, well, give it back.
- Barney: Well, uh, I don't think so. I earned it, fair and square. I'm calling you.
- Hula Girl: But I'm never gonna go out with you.
- Barney: But how will you know it's me? I'm a master of disguise! Yeah.
- [Hula Girl walks away exasperated]
- Barney: Okay. Here's the plan, and I crap you not. I'm getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.
- Ted Mosby: We can get rejected by supermodels any day of the year. Tonight, I'm gonna go up to the roof, have a few beers, gonna wait for the Slutty Pumpkin. It's just what I do.
- Barney: [weighing the options on his hand] Hmm.
- [left hand]
- Barney: Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties...
- [right hand]
- Barney: or Yale preppies reuniting their stupid a cappella group.
- [pretends to hear his left hand say something]
- Barney: What's that, left hand? Right hand sucks? Word.
- Ted Mosby: Heading up to the roof.
- Barney: [to his hands] Well, boys, looks like it's just the three of us.
- [pretending to hear his hand talk again]
- Barney: What's that? Self-five? Nice.
- [Gives himself a high five]
- Barney: We out.
- Barney: You know what I love about Halloween? It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. If a girl dresses up as a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse...
- Lily Aldrin: Wow, we get it.
- Barney: ...she's a slutty nurse.
- Barney: [Sees Ted in his Hanging Chad costume] No, no. Not again. Not this year. You're going as my wingman. Flight-suit up!
- Barney: Okay, I'm leaving. But just know, this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht. And what will be sticking to that yacht? The "Barnacle".
- Ted Mosby: Really? That's your nickname now?
- Barney: Yeah, the Barnacle.
- Ted Mosby: The Barnacle?
- Barney: That's it.
- [pause]
- Barney: Barnacle, out!
- [Leaves]
- Ted Mosby: Have fun, Barnacle.
- Barney: What's with the face?
- Ted Mosby: It's half "You're pathetic", half "I have to pee."
- Barney: So go to the bathroom.
- Ted Mosby: No, there's a huge line. I don't wanna miss the Slutty Pumpkin.
- Barney: So pee off the roof.
- [Leans over Ted's shoulder]
- Barney: Ooh, Ted, pee off the roof.
- Angel: [Leans over Ted's other shoulder] Woah, I wouldn't do that if I were you, there's people walking down there.
- Barney: Come, on, Ted, who're you gonna listen to? Me, or Mr. Goody-Goody over there?
- Angel: Yeah, whatever. You guys got some weed?
- Barney: [Walks up to the Hula Girl in his new costume] Let me guess: every guy's used the "lei'd" line on you tonight, huh?
- Hula Girl: You wouldn't believe.
- Barney: I apologize for my gender. Let me make it up to you - make you a drink?
- Hula Girl: [Flirty] Oh. You certainly are a charming devil.
- Barney: I'm also a "horny" devil.
- [Points at the horns on his mask]
- Barney: Yeah.
- Hula Girl: [Chuckles disinterestedly] No.
- [Walks away]
- Barney: [Turns around to see the angel smirking at him] Oh, go to Hell.
- Barney: Okay, Victoria Secret party, right now.
- Ted Mosby: Nope.
- Barney: Come on! I can't stand watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween! Ted, the Slutty Pumpkin is not coming!
- Ted Mosby: She *might*.
- Barney: Oy...
- Ted Mosby: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds! It's about believing! This girl, she... she represents something to me, I don't know... hope.
- Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said.
- Barney: [When Ted refuses to change his costume] Oh, you're dangerous, Maverick. Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash.