House M.D. (TV Series)
Autopsy (2005)
Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Gregory House : If you're dying, suddenly everybody loves you.
Dr. James Wilson : You have a cane, nobody even likes you.
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Dr. Gregory House : Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Are you high?
Dr. Gregory House : If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : It's Wednesday.
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Dr. Gregory House : [Smugly] You did it, didn't you?
Dr. Robert Chase : It... it wasn't sick. It was one kiss - for a dying girl.
[Cameron puts her hands over her mouth and gets a disgusted look on her face. Foreman turns away in disgust]
Dr. Robert Chase : One small, one small kiss before she - dies. Thank you. Thanks.
Dr. Gregory House : This is exactly why you can't touch my markers.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Cameron] It's written down in my advanced health care directive, should I be incapacitated in any way you run the board, then Foreman. Chase, you're just not ready yet.
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Dr. Robert Chase : If she's never kissed a boy, it's a fair bet she's never had sex.
Dr. Gregory House : Tell that to all the hookers who won't kiss me on the mouth.
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Dr. Gregory House : And *you* stay away from the patient.
Dr. Allison Cameron : What'd I do?
Dr. Gregory House : Oh well, you'd just get all warm and cuddly around the dying girl and insinuate yourself; end up in a custody battle.
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Dr. Gregory House : [talking about 9-year-old cancer patient] She's such a brave girl, I want to see how brave she is when you tell her she's gonna die.
Dr. James Wilson : [long pause] Go to hell.
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Dr. Gregory House : I'm taking a sick day.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Take some Claritin.
Dr. Gregory House : Everyone's a doctor suddenly.
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [about Andie] You're actually talking about killing her.
Dr. Gregory House : Just for a little while. I'll bring her right back.
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Dr. Gregory House : These cancer kids, you can't put them *all* on a pedestal. It's basic statistics. Some of them have gotta be whiney little fraidy-cats.
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Dr. Gregory House : Oxygen saturation is 94%, check her heart.
Dr. Eric Foreman : Her oxygen saturation is normal.
Dr. Gregory House : It's off by one percentage point.
Dr. Eric Foreman : Within range. It's normal.
Dr. Gregory House : If her DNA was off by one percentage point, she'd be a dolphin.
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Dr. Gregory House : We've got a patient who for no obvious reason is hallucinating. Since it's not obvious, I thought we'd go with subtle.
Dr. Allison Cameron : It doesn't matter. If her sat percentage is off, that means her blood isn't getting enough oxygen; that's a problem with her lungs, not her heart.
Dr. Eric Foreman : And a lung problem isn't causing hallucinations.
Dr. Robert Chase : But the lungs could lead us somewhere that is.
Dr. Gregory House : Welcome to the end of the thought process.
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Dr. Gregory House : Union rules. I can't check out this guy's seeping gonorrhea this close to lunch.
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Dr. Gregory House : [referring to the bottle Wilson opened] I loosened it.
Dr. James Wilson : I opened it!
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Dr. Eric Foreman : We could bolt her to the table.
Dr. Gregory House : Gruesome and low tech. Kiss me, I love it.
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Dr. Gregory House : Nobody wants to die. But you are going to. The question is how. How much you're going to suffer, how long. I'm asking if you want this to be over.
[saying it for a 9-year-old girl, who has cancer]
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Dr. Gregory House : The tumor is Afghanistan, the clot is Buffalo. Does that need more explanation?
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Dr. James Wilson : We can't do exploratory surgery on her brain.
Dr. Gregory House : Are you sure you're not a neurologist?
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Dr. Gregory House : [a patient gave himself a circumcision] Just like Abraham did it.
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Dr. Gregory House : [a patient gave himself a circumcision] I'm gonna get a plastic surgeon, get the Twinkie back in the wrapper.
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Dr. Gregory House : Cancer doesn't make you special.
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Dr. Gregory House : She's a rock.
Dr. Allison Cameron : She's brave.
Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, yeah, yeah...