- Alice Kramden: Trixie hasn't had any sleep in three nights. If she doesn't get some rest soon, she's just gonna waste away to nothing.
- Ralph Kramden: She didn't have any sleep in three nights? How about me? I haven't slept in three nights! She'll waste away? Don't you care if I waste away?
- Alice Kramden: Yes, I care, Ralph! But you wouldn't waste away if you stayed awake for nine years.
- Ralph Kramden: How would you like to waste away on the moon?
- [Ralph and Norton are about to go to bed together when Ralph shows Norton a toothbrush]
- Ralph Kramden: Norton?
- Ed Norton: What?
- Ralph Kramden: Did you use my toothbrush?
- Ed Norton: I dunno.
- Ralph Kramden: What do you mean you don't know?
- Ed Norton: Well, you got a red toothbrush and I got a red toothbrush. They was layin' side by side and I didn't know which was which, so I just went, "Eeeny, meeny, miney, mo."
- Ralph Kramden: [holds up toothbrush] Is this Mo?
- Ed Norton: [looks at toothbrush] Yep, that's Mo all right.
- Ralph Kramden: Well, for your information, Mo happens to be my toothbrush.
- Ed Norton: Oh, I was wonderin' why there was somethin' familiar about Miney.
- Ed Norton: Hey, Ralph, you want an apple?
- Ralph Kramden: No.
- Ed Norton: How about a banana?
- Ralph Kramden: I don't want any banana.
- Ed Norton: How about a nice kumquat?
- Ralph Kramden: Norton, I don't want any fruit of any kind!
- Ed Norton: Ralph, are you sure you don't want a kumquat?
- Ralph Kramden: [screaming] WILL YOU GO TO SLEEP!
- Ed Norton: When I was 21 years old, I wanted to go to college.
- Psychiatrist: And what happened?
- Ed Norton: They wouldn't let me. They said I had to finish grammar school first.
- Ralph Kramden: We've got money in the bank, haven't we?
- Alice Kramden: Yes, we have money in the bank. Three dollars and 31 cents.
- Ralph Kramden: Three dollars and 31 cents? Well, what do you do with all the money, Alice.
- Alice Kramden: I put it in the bank.
- Alice Kramden: Ralph, you have to do something. If anything happened to Ed, you would hate yourself.
- Ralph Kramden: Not for long, I have a very forgiving nature.