- [demonstrating golf-swing approach and addressing the ball]
- Norton: Step up, plant your feet firmly - hello, ball!
- [Ralph has criticized Norton saying hello to a golf ball]
- Ed Norton: Maybe, it sounds nuts, I don't know! That's what they say in golf, there. They say "Tally-ho!" when they're fox huntin'! What's crazier, saying "Tally-ho" to a fox or saying "Hello" to a golf ball?
- Ralph: [after Alice has insulted his golf playing] How'd you like to go sailing over the clubhouse, huh, Alice?
- Ralph: [to Alice] I don't care if you've got any confidence, because I have enough confidence in me for the both of us!
- Alice Kramden: You've got enough *everything* in you for the both of us.
- Ralph: [Alice had just criticized his playing golf] Now I know why people play golf! It's not 'cause they like this game! It's just to get away from their wives! That's why they play!
- Ed Norton: [reading from book about golf] "The golf swing: First, step up, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and address the ball."
- Ralph: Wait a minute. What do they mean by "address the ball"?
- Ed Norton: How should I know? That's what it says here.
- Ralph: Well, read a little further. Maybe it explains it.
- [Alice returns home to catch Ralph swaying his hips as he tries to play golf]
- Ralph: Just practicing playing golf.
- Alice Kramden: Oh, is that what it is? I thought it was football, the way your backfield was in motion.
- Ed Norton: [Alice criticized Ralph's golf-playing] You're getting all tense again.
- Ralph: I'm getting all tense!
- Ed Norton: Listen, relaxation is essential to a good game of golf.
- Ralph: I can't relax! She upsets me!
- Ed Norton: Well, you gotta relax!
- Ralph: Well, I AM relaxed! What do you want me to do, sign an affidavit with a notary republic or somethin'?