The Honeymooners (TV Series)

TV or Not TV (1955)

Jackie Gleason: Ralph Kramden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ralph Kramden : Whatever happened to the sweet unspoiled girl I married before? Whatever happened to that girl, Alice? You remember what you said to me before we got married? "Ralph, I'd be happy to live in a tent with you."

  Alice Kramden : I'm still willing. I think it'd be an improvement.

  Ralph Kramden : Do you wanna go to the moon? Do you wanna go to the moon?

  Alice Kramden : That would be an improvement, too.

• Ralph Kramden : We'll flip a coin to see where the television set goes. Give me a coin.

  Ed Norton : [pulls out a coin from his pants pocket and hands it to Ralph] 

  Ralph Kramden : Alright. Uh, heads I win, tails you lose. Right?

  Ralph Kramden : [flips the coin] 

  Ralph Kramden : Tails, you lose. Now...

  Ed Norton : Wait a minute, wait a minute!

  Ralph Kramden : What's wrong?

  Ed Norton : I hope I don't insult you, Ralph, but would you mind giving me back my coin?

• Ralph Kramden : [explaining the reason he won't buy Alice a TV set]  I'm waiting for 3D television, that's the reason.

  Alice Kramden : Are you waiting for 3D refrigerators, too?

• Ralph : [referring to Ed Norton]  I've got one thing that he hasn't got.

  [pats his right hip] 

  Ralph : I've got it here.

  Alice : [placing hands on hips and stomach]  You've got it here - and you've got it here - and you've got it here.

• Ed Norton : That's right, Alice, when we flipped the coin, he won. He said before we flipped, he said "Heads I win, tails you lose". It was tails and I lost.

  Ralph Kramden : [Alice gives Ralph a stern look]  Don't look at me like that. I learned that trick from you. That's how we got married.

• Alice Kramden : Why don't you just let me make you comfortable here because you've been gone all day long and I missed you something terrible, Sweetums.

  Ralph Kramden : [looks around]  Who's Sweetums?

  Alice Kramden : You're Sweetums.

  Ralph Kramden : You're nuts!

• Alice Kramden : What would you like, Ralph, lemonade or milk or juice?

  Ralph Kramden : Let me have what you're drinkin'. I wanna get loaded too.

• Ralph Kramden : Get out! GET OUT!

  Ed Norton : If I go, that set goes with me.

  Ralph Kramden : That set goes over my dead body.

  Ed Norton : I couldn't get it out over your dead body. What do you think I am, a mountain climber?