The Honeymooners (TV Series)

Better Living Through TV (1955)

Jackie Gleason: Ralph Kramden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ed Norton : [as they do the commercial]  Tell me, O Chef of the Future, can it core a...

  [sic] 

  Ed Norton : ... apple?

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, it can core a...

  [sic] 

  Ralph Kramden : ... apple.

• Ralph Kramden : Two thousand dollars, Alice! That's big, big, big! This is probably the biggest thing I ever got into.

  Alice Kramden : The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants.

• Ralph Kramden : We spend $200, we make $2000 and the profit is 1800. We can't lose.

  Ed Norton : Can't lose, huh? That's what you said when you bought the parking lot next to where they were building up the movie house there. You said, "People going to the movies got to have a place to park their car."

  Ralph Kramden : How did I know they were building a drive-in theater?

• Ralph : Just remember, you can't put you arms around a memory.

  Alice : I can't even put my arms around you.

• Ralph Kramden : Look, Alice, please, it's simple arithmetic. We buy something for ten cents, and we sell it for a dollar! It's that simple.

  Alice Kramden : If it's so simple, Ralph, why didn't the man who had these things in his warehouse sell them and make this big profit?

  Ralph Kramden : Because he thinks small like you do. He thinks he's got to go from door to door to sell these things. That's where my great idea comes in. I go on television and in five minutes, I can sell the whole 2,000 of them. Look, how long do you think it would take that guy to sell 2,000 of these if he went from door to door?

  Alice Kramden : About one minute if this was the first door he knocked on.

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, I'd like to belt you just once!

• [Alice points out to Ralph how all of his other schemes have failed] 

  Ralph Kramden : Nobody's one hundred percent, Alice.

  Alice Kramden : You are. You've been wrong every time!

• Ralph Kramden : Alice, this thing is the key to my future, the key to my future.

  Alice Kramden : Don't tell me they got an attachment on here for opening the door at Bellevue.

• Alice Kramden : One harebrained scheme after another. That is all I've heard since the day we got married.

  Ralph Kramden : You heard one of my harebrained schemes before we got married. I proposed to you.