Home Improvement (TV Series)

Quibbling Siblings (1994)

Tim Allen: Tim Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tim : I do things with both of the guys, you know. Brad and I like to go to sporting events, work on the Hot Rod and build stuff with my tools. Randy and I joke. I make jokes, he makes jokes, we make jokes. The jokes go back and forth. He jokes, I joke, there's a lot of jokes going on.

  Wilson : Sounds like you share your jocularity.

  Tim : No he couldn't fit into mine.

• Randy : It's not junk, it's Heavy Metal.

  Tim : It sounds like they banging their heads on their guitars while they're getting their teeth drilled.

  Randy : Hey, cool - you saw the video.

• Jill : What causes sibling rivalry?

  Tim : Having more than one kid!

• Wilson : Well, Tim, I'm reminded of what the Chinese philosopher Chuang Tse said. You cannot speak of the ocean to a well frog, you cannot speak of ice to a summer insect.

  [later] 

  Tim : Well this ancient Chinese ice-cream salesman, Yung Su, found that frozen frogs and wet insects couldn't talk cos they were colder'n one another.

• Tim : Al's favorite Bingo caller died.

  Jill : No.

  Tim : Al said his last words were, "B11 and G I think I'm having a heart attack.

• Brad : [Tim tries to make a heart using the scroll saw]  Uh, Dad, that doesn't look like a heart. It looks more like a kidney.

  Tim : Well yes it does. Well a heart says "I love you", but a kidney says "I gotta go".

  Brad : Well, guess what, and so do we. We'll be right back after these words from Binford.

• Wilson : Neighbor, have you seen my fuzzy wooly bear?

  Tim : No and I'd like to keep it that way

• Tim : Of all the boys, I figure you and I are the most alike.

  Randy : Oh come on, Dad, I mean you and Brad are the most alike.

  Tim : We share similar interests, but you and I have similar personalities. If a guy's walking down the street with his fly down, if I can't come up with a joke, I know you'll back me up.

  Randy : Well, I mean, you gotta make the fly joke.

  Tim : That's right, you gotta make the fly joke. Hey pal, you know your fly's down?

  Randy : It's cheaper than air conditioning.

• Randy : It's going to take a minute to boot up. I still have that old L-30 chip in it. Not much power.

  [Tim raises his eyebrows] 

  Tim : Are you saying this thing needs more power?

• Wilson : Have you seen my fuzzy wooly bear?

  Tim : No and I would like to keep it that way!