Home Improvement (TV Series)

The Kiss & the Kiss-Off (1997)

Tim Allen: Tim Taylor

Quotes 

• Mothers : [singing]  The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain...

  Tim : [holding a baby]  Whoa. Something's coming out, but it definitely isn't the sun.

• Jill : I'm sure Heidi appreciates you watching the baby.

  Tim : I hope she appreciates me cleaning up that kid's mud slide.

  Jill : You changed her diaper?

  Tim : Yeah, good thing I had those welding gloves in the car.

• Tim : I haven't talked to you in such a long time. You look great!

  Lisa : So do you, but something's different.

  Al Borland : No bandages.

  Lisa : That's it.

• Jill : I love that you'd rather look at cars than beautiful women.

  Tim : Really? You know what that means.

  Jill : What?

  Tim : I'd leave you in a second if I found the right Corvette.

• Tim : So, did anybody see Tool Time today?

  Brad Taylor : I did and it was the best Tool Time ever. So, when are you gonna get a third tool girl?

• Jill : What would happen if Binford asked Bob Vila to come and co-host Tool Time whenever he felt like it?

  Tim : I'd probably hit him in the head with a board like I did last time.