Mit dir geteilt
- [Rose opens the front door]
- Fidel Santiago: Hello!
- Rose Nylund: Oh, hello! We thought you were Blanche's date but you're much too old.
- Fidel Santiago: Hola, Blanche!
- Blanche: Hello sweetheart, come here. I want you to meet all my friends.
- Rose Nylund: [to Fidel] Please forgive me. It wasn't my fault; my cousins have been marrying each other for generations. I'm sorry.
- Woman: [at Fidel Santiago's funeral, everyone there is a woman in black] I'm leaving! I'm not about to mourn a man that was with every woman in this room.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: He was never with me!
- Woman: I guess even he had his standards.
- Fidel Santiago: Blanche was right. She said you were incorrigible!
- Sophia Petrillo: I guess I deserve it - I always say she's a cheap slut!
- Blanche: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a long, hot, steamy bath, with just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms.
- Sophia Petrillo: You're only gonna sit in an inch of water?
- Blanche: Oh, why would Fidel want another woman? After all, he's dipped his toes in the lake known as "Blanche."
- Blanche: Is this dress me?
- Sophia Petrillo: It's too tight, it's too short, it shows too much cleavage for a woman your age.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Yes Blanche, it's you.
- Rose Nylund: Girls! Girls, guess what?
- Sophia Petrillo: What a minute! Wait a minute! Why do you always come into a room and say, "Girls, girls"? Do you see Molly Ringwald sitting here?
- Rose Nylund: Well, you're awfully cranky today.
- Sophia Petrillo: Well, forgive me. My arthritis is bothering me, my social security check was late, and I realized today I haven't showered with a man in 22 years!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Ma, Pop's been dead 27 years.
- Sophia Petrillo: What's your point?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: What are you saying?
- Rose Nylund: Well, isn't it obvious, Dorothy? She showered with a dead man for five years!
- [last lines]
- Blanche: You know, if I had it all to do over again, I'd let you have Fidel.
- Sophia Petrillo: Oh, you're so generous! The man's packing material, now you're letting me have him? I have coat racks livelier than him!
- [announcing to the whole congregation as she begins to leave]
- Sophia Petrillo: She's giving him to me. The man's face has more powder on it than Ann Miller's and she's giving him to me. A piece of lumber would make a better dancing partner! Thanks for niente!
- Rose Nylund: I got two tickets to the hottest Norwegian musical in town!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, you've really tempted me, but I do have other plans.
- Rose Nylund: You have a date.
- Sophia Petrillo: [Choking on a cookie] Never say that while I'm eating!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I'm teaching history for an adult education program. It's for people who never got their high school diplomas.
- Rose Nylund: What else do they teach?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, the usual high school subjects.
- Rose Nylund: You mean, like the three Rs? Reading, Writing, and Rooster inseminating?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: No, we just teach the first two Rs, Rose.
- Rose Nylund: Fine! But you're gonna be sending people out into the world who don't know, you can get a nasty rooster bite if you don't warm your hands up first!
- [Rose opens the front door]
- Fidel Santiago: Hello!
- Rose Nylund: Oh, hello! We thought you were Blanche's date but you're much too old.
- Fidel Santiago: Hola, Blanche!
- Blanche: Hello sweetheart, come here. I want you to meet all my friends.
- Rose Nylund: [to Fidel] Please forgive me. It wasn't my fault; my cousins have been marrying each other for generations. I'm sorry.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [reading the roll-call for the night class she is teaching] Jim Shu?... Jim Shu? Oh I get it, Gym Shoe. Very funny!
- Jim Shu: [an Asian man stands up] Excuse me. I am Jim Shu.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [mortified] I'm terribly sorry. I thought you were pulling my leg.
- Jim Shu: I don't think I could drink that much sake.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Sit down, Shu.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [taking roll in the night class she's teaching, Dorothy discovers that Rose is on the list] Rose, what are you doing here?
- Rose Nylund: Dorothy, I have a confession to make. I slipped through the cracks of the St Olaf school system.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [mocking] That's very hard to believe. I've seen you almost complete a TV Guide crossword puzzle.
- Rose Nylund: It's true. You're looking at a woman without a sheepskin.
- Jim Shu: [the Asian man sitting behind Rose overhears] I've got an extra in my wallet I could give you.
- Rose Nylund: [shyly] No thanks, I'd rather earn it.
- Jim Shu: Meet you at Benihana after class?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose... Rose, you never graduated from High School?
- Rose Nylund: Not officially. Three weeks before graduation, I was asked to be in the kissing booth at the Founders Day fair. Unfortunately, the first boy I kissed had a nasty case of mono. That afternoon, I passed it along to fifty young men... and one very confused female P.E. teacher who smelled of Old Spice. I slept day and night for the next six months, and when I finally woke up, I had missed my graduation and the integration of major league baseball.
- Blanche: Girls, look, I know it seems strange, but I happen to have strong feelings for Fidel. I can't explain it. Some things in life defy explanation.
- Rose Nylund: Yeah, like Bruce Willis' hair.
- Rose Nylund: [proudly] Sophia, I'm a high school graduate!
- Sophia Petrillo: Congratulations. Now you can get any job involving a cardboard hat.