- Chief of Control: [on phone] I hope you're not in Lovers Lane by yourself, it could draw attention to you.
- Maxwell Smart: [on steering wheel phone] Don't worry Chief, I have my Inflato-Girl with me.
- Agent 99: [Maxwell, posing as 99's butler, places a bowl of soup with a hidden camera in front of Savage] Try the soup, Rex, I think you'll like it.
- Savage: What kind is it?
- Maxwell Smart: Cream of Technicolor.
- Maxwell Smart: You'll never get away with this, Savage!
- Savage: Oh, why Mr. Smart?
- Maxwell Smart: Because, at this very minute, 25 CONTROL agents are converging on this building. Would you believe it? 25 CONTROL agents!
- Savage: I find that hard to beleive.
- Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 squad cars and a motorcycle cop?
- Savage: I don't think so.
- Maxwell Smart: How about a vicious street cleaner and a toothless police dog?
- Savage: [addressing #99] Good evening. I'd be honored to offer my assistance to someone so attractive.
- Maxwell Smart: Why thank you, but it's the lady who's interested in buying a painting.
- Maxwell Smart: They think just because we're on the side of good that we're soft. But what they don't know is that we're tough and hard and do a very nice job.
- Maxwell Smart: Hello, Chief? Max. I'm in Lover's Lane. Listen, Chief, before I fill you in, I want you to give a message to Parker at the lab. Tell him there are a few adjustments needed on the steering wheel phone. Every time I turn the corner, I dial the operator.
- Agent 99: Max, look at that Modern sculpture. It's made out of a dented hubcap, rusted fender, tin cans, nuts and bolts and a bicycle chain.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes, he's given us man's eternal struggle against the universe out of a pile of junk.
- Agent 99: What's it called?
- Maxwell Smart: [reading a placard] "A Pile of Junk".
- Maxwell Smart: [the intelligence report by way of a top secret relay rock proves inconclusive] Well, either our boys are lying down on the job, or this rock is a forgery.
- Agent 99: No, that's the official Control rock, Max. Look.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh yes, our name and address is on it.
- Maxwell Smart: [reads inscription] If found drop in any mailbox.