- Chief of Control: [having forbidden Max to tell 99 about his new cover] Max, until your mission is a success, she'll learn to do without you.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes Chief, but what if my mission is a failure?
- Chief of Control: We'll all learn to do without you.
- Chief of Control: Now Max, remember. Acting as a double agent is the most dangerous game in the world. These men are killers, they'll stop at nothing. You'll be living in constant danger every moment.
- Maxwell Smart: And... loving it!
- Chief of Control: [supplying Max with an old coat full of holes] Max, take good care of this. The tailor charges a fortune to rip it up like that
- Maxwell Smart: Chief, I've got a dry cleaner that will do this for nothing.
- Maxwell Smart: You know 99, I really feel sorry for professor Parker. He's spend so much time working on that device.
- # 99: The Ice-Cube Transmitter.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes. For the last six months he's tested it in every known fluid. That's how he got his reputation.
- # 99: As a perfectionist?
- Maxwell Smart: No, as a drunk.
- Chief of Control: Smart!
- Maxwell Smart: What do you want?
- Chief of Control: A few answers.
- Maxwell Smart: Sorry, but I don't think I'm gonna like the questions.
- Chief of Control: We're missing 68.000 dollars.
- Maxwell Smart: That's tough. Have you looked behind the sofa cushions?
- Parker: I would like Mr. Smart to look at your desk and see if he can detect which item is the listening device.
- Chief of Control: Parker, I don't think you should do that.
- Maxwell Smart: Don't be ridiculous, Chief. That's a great idea. If he can fool my keen eyes, the security of KAOS is doomed. Excuse me, 99. Now, let's see... Well, I don't think it's this magazine. It's a little obvious and clumsy. Uh... I don't think it's this paperweight, or the cigarette lighter.
- Parker: What about that, uh... that fly?
- Maxwell Smart: Huh? Oh.
- [Max swats the "fly", and Parker gasps in horror]
- Maxwell Smart: Got it!
- Chief of Control: Parker has come up with a new listening device that's even cleverer than the fly. Are you ready, Parker?
- Parker: Yes, Chief. See if you can pick this one out, Smart. And please be a little more careful this time.
- Maxwell Smart: Right, professor.
- Parker: It's among these objects on the desk.
- Maxwell Smart: Well, let's see. It's not the cigarette lighter, right?
- Parker: Right.
- Maxwell Smart: And, uh... it's not the magazine, right?
- Parker: Correct.
- Maxwell Smart: A fly. You've built another fly.
- Parker: No, Smart, that's a real fly.
- [Max brushes at the fly and it buzzes away]
- Maxwell Smart: Oh. Are you sure it's a fly?
- Parker: Absolutely.
- Maxwell Smart: Well, then I can kill it.
- [Max swats at the fly and hits a lamp on the desk; sparks fly out, and Parker covers his head in frustration]
- Maxwell Smart: I have a strange feeling it's the light bulb.
- The Drunk: [Max's shoe phone starts ringing in the bar] Pardon me. I know this is going to sound silly, but is it possible that your shoe is ringing?
- Maxwell Smart: Shoe? You've been drinking too much of this cheap booze, soldier.