- Monica tries to get over Richard by using her free time to make jam and considers artificial insemination through a sperm bank. Phoebe is stalked by a man who mistakes her for Ursula.
- Monica makes tons of jam to take control of her life and to get over Richard. Monica abandons the jam plan and decides to have a baby instead. Phoebe is dating a guy who used to be obsessed with her sister and now has a restraining order to keep away from Ursula. Monica doesn't want a child from a sperm donor after all because she wants a family not just a child.—Anonymous
- Phoebe is stalked by a man named Malcolm (David Arquette) who mistakes her for her identical twin, Ursula. Malcolm is a normal guy who sells beepers and cell phones, but has gone bat shit crazy over Ursula. Ursula has a restraining order against him. Phoebe then tries to help Malcolm to get over Ursula. Ross points out that Phoebe has a crush on her sister's stalker. Malcolm shows Phoebe his binoculars, the night vision goggles, the Mad Libs and a book that he pretends to read when he watches her in the park. The gang tries to convince Phoebe that Malcolm is still obsessed with Ursula and she finds that its true (Malcolm was at the Union station waiting for a train that Ursula usually takes). she breaks up with Malcolm, but decides to help him get over Ursula by allowing him to stalk her instead.
Ross and Rachel give Chandler "boyfriend" lessons. Janice asks Chandler if she looked fate, Chandler hesitated in his response and Janice feels offended. Ross explains there has to be no hesitation, it has to be a reflex.. Like to "Is she prettier than I am".. "Does size matter".. Eg if Janice is coming from the airport, what would Chandler do 1) let her take a cab or 2) pick her from baggage claim. The answer is secret option 3), which is to pick her up at the gate (that way she knows you love her).. Chandler asks them that what should he do when Janice wants to cuddle at night, and he wants the sleeping room. Ross explains initially that they also like to cuddle, but later explains to Chandler that he also likes the room and teaches him the "hug and roll" technique. Chandler tries the "Hug and roll" technique on Janice, but his arm gets stuck under her and while yanking it, he ends up rolling Janice off the bed. He has to tell Janice the truth to get her to back off. Janice tells Rachel all about it. Ross later hits Chandler with a magazine and tells him that Women talk..
Monica copes with her break-up with Richard by making jam. Monica goes to the NYC docks to get the fruits wholesale. Joey's arm is in a sling after hurting his shoulder jumping on the bed. (Matt LeBlanc dislocated his shoulder in the previous episode, which was written into the plot). He has to wear the sling for a couple of weeks. Joey starts eating all of Monica's jams.. Chandler asks if Joey would prefer a big tub of jam or a naked girl.. Joey says both.. Monica says this is her last batch of jam, as she needs $17 per jar just to break even.. She then considers having a baby by artificial insemination through a sperm bank. She says it took her 28 yrs to find a man she wanted to have a child with.. She doesn't want to wait that long anymore. From the sperm bank, she gets the profiles of the donors (without the names).. One of the profiles turns out to be Joey's (Monica got it when the profile reads "New York Kicks rule").. Monica is all ready to go to the sperm bank when Joey makes her realize that Monica yearns for a family and not a kid.
Guest star: David Arquette (who would later go on to marry Monica's actress, Courteney Cox).
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