- [about the book Jane Eyre]
- Rachel Green: I think the book was written way ahead of its time.
- Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
- Rachel Green: Feminism, yes. But also the robots.
- Dr. Ledbetter: We've been getting reports of some... very angry behavior on your part.
- Ross: [concerned] What?
- Dr. Ledbetter: Threatening letters, refusal to meet deadlines. Apparently people now call you *mental*.
- Ross: [proudly chuckles] Yeah.
- Dr. Ledbetter: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
- Ross: Oh no.
- [laughs]
- Ross: You don't understand. Ugh, this is so silly. Um... this is all just because of a sandwich.
- Dr. Ledbetter: [laughs in confusion] A sandwich?
- Ross: Yeah, yeah. You see, my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a... an extra slice of gravy-soaked bread in the middle; I call it the "Moist Maker".
- [Ledbetter chuckles]
- Ross: Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here, and...
- Dr. Ledbetter: [laughs dismissively] Oh, oh you know what?
- Ross: What?
- Dr. Ledbetter: I-I-I'm sorry, I-I-I believe I ate that.
- [smiles]
- Ross: You ate my sandwich?
- Dr. Ledbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
- Ross: Oh-oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your *own* turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker?
- Dr. Ledbetter: No, I, uh...
- Ross: Do you perhaps remember seeing a *note* on top of it?
- Dr. Ledbetter: There may have been a joke, or... limerick of some kind...
- Ross: [getting angry] That said it was *my* sandwich.
- Dr. Ledbetter: Now-now calm down. Um... come look in my office, some of it may still be in the trash.
- Ross: [stands up in disbelief] What?
- Dr. Ledbetter: Well, it was quite large, I-I-I had to throw most of it away.
- Ross: [trying to remain composed] You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away.
- [bellowing]
- Ross: *MY* SANDWICH? MYYYYY SANDWICH?
- Rachel Green: [to the gang after finding Joey with a nude photo of Monica that she gave Chandler] Joey has got a secret peephole!
- Chandler: Oh no, no no!
- Rachel Green: Yes, he has a naked picture of Monica. He takes naked pictures of us, then he eats chicken, and he looks at them! Look!
- [shoves the photo in Ross' face]
- Ross: [covering his eyes] No! Dude, that's my sister!
- Joey: [repeated line when trying to cover up Monica and Chandler's sexual discretions] I'm Joey, I'm disgusting.
- Phoebe: Why didn't you just say you didn't read the book?
- Rachel Green: Well, I didn't want him to think I was stupid. I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you.
- Joey: [after covering for Monica and Chandler after the gang finds a pair of underwear] Tightie whities? What are you, eight?
- Monica Geller: [Ross wanders into the coffee house, clearly sedated and eating candyfloss] Ross, are you ok?
- Ross: I'm fine. I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
- Monica Geller: Why?
- Ross: On account of my rage.
- Chandler: Which, if I may say, right now is out of control.
- Ross: [referring to someone at work eating his sandwich] I still can't believe someone ate it! Look, I left a note and everything.
- Chandler: [passes note to Chandler] "Knock knock! Who's there? Ross Gellar's lunch. Ross Gellar's lunch who? Ross Gellar's lunch, please don't take me, OK?"
- Joey: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.
- [laughs]