Matthew Perry credited as playing...
Chandler Bing
- Ross: Hey, dude, are you okay? Sorry about before.
- Chandler Bing: No, that's okay. You're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings, and I want you to know that if I die you don't get Joey.
- Chandler: So, if Monica's not around, I'm not good enough to raise Emma?
- Ross: [looks down] No, that... that is not what we're saying.
- Joey: Yeah, he's lying. He looked down.
- Chandler: Well, what is wrong with me? Am I... Am I incompetent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!
- Rachel Green: [Emma cries] She needs changing.
- Chandler Bing: Oh no no, I'll get her. I am super competent, totally responsible, and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there, Emma, just let me get my trusty diaper bag.
- Chandler Bing: [accidentally knocks over a chair, spilling the box with the good china, smashing them to pieces] Well, what do you know? I guess I'll be the one that dies first.
- Monica: [Chandler is setting the table with the good china] Careful... careful... CAREFUL!
- Chandler Bing: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise.
- Amy: Ok, how about this? If you guys die, and the crazy plate lady dies then do I get the baby?
- Chandler Bing: No, if crazy plate lady... if Monica dies then I would get Emma, right?
- Rachel: Well, actually...
- Chandler Bing: Actually, what?
- Ross: It's just that in that case then Emma would go to my parents.
- Chandler Bing: What?
- Amy: [to Chandler] Hurts, doesn't it?
- Joey: Who has to die for me to get her?
- Chandler Bing: So, if Monica's not around I'm not good enough to raise Emma?
- Ross: No, that is not what we are saying
- [looks down]
- Ross: .
- Joey: Yeah, he's lying. He looked down.
- Chandler Bing: Well, what is wrong with me? Am I incompetent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you.
- Chandler Bing: You know, I can talk to the producers for you, I'm a great liar. Take Monica's dress, I said I loved it, I *hate* it.
- Monica: Hey!
- Chandler Bing: I'm also a great moron.