Friends (TV Series)

The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate (1994)

David Schwimmer: Dr. Ross Geller

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ross : [after he's broken up with Carol]  Hi...

  Joey : This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.

• Ross : You know, you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a major crush on you.

  Rachel : I knew.

  Ross : You did. Oh... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.

  Rachel : I did.

• Joey : Okay, Ross, you're gettin' a divorce, you're angry, you're hurtin'. Can I tell you what the answer is? Strip joints! Come on! You're single! Have some hormones!

  Ross : But I don't want to be single. I just want to be married again.

  [Rachel walks in wearing wedding dress] 

  Chandler : And I just want a million dollars!

• Monica : Paul, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.

  Joey : Hey, Paul, the wine guy.

  Ross : Hey, Paul.

  Phoebe : Hey, Paul.

  Rachel : Hi, Paul.

  Chandler : I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?

• Rachel : Guess what?

  Ross : You got a job?

  Rachel : Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed at in 12 interviews today.

  Chandler : And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.

  Rachel : Well, you would be too if you got new boots with 50% off!

  Chandler : Oh, how well you know me.

• Phoebe : Ooh, ugh.

  [as Ross sits down on the sofa, Pheobe begins "cleansing his aura"] 

  Ross : Oh, no, no. Stop cleansing my aura.

  Phoebe : But...

  [she continues to "cleanse his aura"] 

  Ross : No, just leave my aura alone, okay?

  Phoebe : Fine. Be murky.

  Ross : I'll be fine, really, you guys. I hope she'll be very happy.

  Monica : No, you don't.

  Ross : No, I don't! To hell with her! She left me!

  Joey : You never knew she was a lesbian?

  Ross : [stares at Joey]  No! Okay? Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know. How should I know?

  Chandler : Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

  [everyone stares at Chandler] 

  Chandler : Did I say that out loud?

• [Ross is newly divorced from his lesbian wife] 

  Ross : You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, you know? I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it? Unfortunately, in my case, it was only one woman for her.

  Joey : What are you talking about? One woman? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing. Cherry Vanilla. You could get them with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. You got married, you were, what, eight? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.

  Ross : I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.

  Chandler : Stay out of my freezer.

• Ross : Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I grabbed a spoon? Do the words "Billy, don't be a hero" mean anything to you?

  Joey : Great story, but I gotta go. I got a date with Angela... Andrea... Oh, man!

  Chandler : Andrea's the screamer, Angela has cats.

  Joey : Right, thanks. It's Julie. I'm outta here!

• Monica : Why? Why would anybody do something like that?

  Ross : We're looking for an answer more sophisticated than: "To get you into bed."

  Monica : Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?

• Joey : All right, Ross, look, you feel a lot of pain right now, you're angry, you're hurtin'. Can I tell you what the answer is?

  [Ross gestures him to continue] 

  Joey : *Strip joints!* Come on, you're single, have some hormones!

  Ross : I don't want to be single, okay? I just - I just - I just wanna be married again.