Michael Keaton credited as playing...
Blaine Sternin
- [Blaine preaches onstage]
- Blaine Sternin: I was a gambler; I was a liar; I was a cheat. Everything you can imagine, that was me - I did it. Oh, I was a bad man. Go ahead - name something!
- Audience Woman 1: A thief?
- Blaine Sternin: Oh, "thief"? Not a day passed that I wasn't. Anybody else? Come on!
- Audience Man: A womanizer?
- Blaine Sternin: Yeah, between affairs.
- Audience Woman 2: Tax evader?
- Blaine Sternin: Yeah... but that was on principle.
- Blaine Sternin: I've started a ministry to save souls, the way the Lord saved mine.
- Frasier: What genius! The Lord! A credible partner who doesn't take a cut!
- Blaine Sternin: Matthew, John, Thomas, Bartholomew, Jude, Judas, two Jameses, Andrew, Peter, Simon the Zealot, and Phillip. $950 to go, pass the po-tah-toes.
- Blaine Sternin: I guess it started with my car accident. I was driving drunk, which I had done one too many times. Oh, you know, it was a sign.
- Daphne Moon: From God?
- Blaine Sternin: No, from the highway department. It said, "Lane Ends," and I just plowed right into it. The next thing I saw was a bright light and a tunnel.
- Daphne Moon: So, you had a near-death experience?
- Blaine Sternin: No, it was a CAT scan.
- Blaine Sternin: [saying Grace before a meal] Dear Lord, bless this food and this company. Give us your guidance and teach us to be forgiving as you instructed your apostles.
- Frasier: I'll give you fifty bucks if you can name three of 'em. Here you go - two twenties and a ten. Tell you what... I'll spot you John.
- Blaine Sternin: Talk about a butt-load of poetic justice, huh?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Yes, I believe that is the basic unit of poetic justice.