Frasier (TV Series)

The Return of Martin Crane (2001)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• Frank : You booted a car just to irritate your kid? Hell, that's a lot of trouble.

  Martin Crane : No, the real trouble was getting four guys to pick it up and move it closer to the hydrant.

• Dr. Niles Crane : Hey, Frasier, uh, if you're interested, I have two tickets to tonight's throat singing concert.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Don't toy with me, Niles.

  Martin Crane : What the hell is throat singing?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, dad, it's an extraordinary technique where a single vocalist can actually produce two distinct tones simultaneously, allowing him to harmonize with himself.

  Martin Crane : Kind of like the Everly Brothers?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : If they shared a throat and came from Mongolia, yes.

• Dr. Niles Crane : [flashback; Maris' car has been booted]  Dad, Maris is very upset. And so am I. I can't believe you booted her.

  Martin Crane : Hey, I wouldn't be upset if you booted her.

  [Martin and Frank laugh, slapping hands under the table] 

• Martin Crane : You know, Roz, back when I was a cop, we always used to make fun of security guards. I guess now I'll have to start making fun of the crossing guards.

  Roz Doyle : Who do crossing guards make fun of?

  Martin Crane : I don't know... kids, I guess.

  [they laugh] 

• Martin Crane : [yells at Frasier and Niles as they try to get out of walking Eddie]  That's enough! I can't believe I can't even count on my own family! Get over here.

  [Niles and Frasier reluctantly walk towards him] 

  Martin Crane : I'm going to work now.

  [kisses Frasier] 

  Martin Crane : I'll be home late.

  [kisses Niles] 

  Martin Crane : Don't wait up.

  [walks out the door]