- Frasier: Have you been baking?
- Gil Chesterson: I have. Gingerbread men.
- Frasier: Oh my, don't they look... muscular.
- Gil Chesterson: Yes well, my wife and I made a New Year's Resolution: Deb and I have joined a gym to slim down and buff up. We needed these to inspire us.
- Frasier: Ah yes, there's nothing to straighten a dieter's resolve like a good motivational pastry.
- Daphne Moon: I can't very well discuss it with Dr. Crane. He's so close to Dr. Crane. If I told him, he might tell Dr. Crane and then Dr. Crane might feel embarrassed.
- Roz: Yeah, why confuse things?
- [Maris's gardener Yoshi passed away]
- Niles: He had a heart attack when he was out trimming Maris's elaborate hedge maze. The paramedics never had a chance.
- Donny Douglas: [after hearing about Niles's break-up] Did you talk about moving in together, making any long-term plans?
- Niles: This is really bringing out the lawyer in you, isn't it?
- Donny Douglas: The bartender, actually. I was just wondering how big a drink to make you.
- Frasier: I've invited the entire building -- even Cam Winston.
- Martin Crane: Oh!
- Frasier: In the spirit of Christmas, I've decided to put an end to our feud.
- Roz: What are you feuding about?
- Martin Crane: Oh, he parks his SUV right next to Frasier's Beemer.
- Frasier: Yes well, that car is grotesquely oversized! I've often been forced to exit from the passenger's side. Many a time, I've been brought to grief on my gear shift.
- Roz: [Frasier exits]
- [to Martin]
- Roz: Why doesn't he just back in?
- Martin Crane: Are you kidding? He can barely hit that space even when the guy's car isn't there.
- Niles: Frasier, I brought those caroling books you asked for.
- Frasier: Thank you so much. Yes, here we are. The First Songs From A Victorian Christmas and Elizabethan Tidings of Joy. Now we're ready to party! Niles, what do you think? Should we start with the caroling or should we hold off until we've played a spirited game of The Minister's Cat?
- Roz: I can't stay, I just stopped by to drop off your punch bowl.
- Frasier: Well, thank you, Roz. Say, what kind of punch did you serve?
- Roz: Well, first I filled it with ice. Then I just poured orange juice and vodka over it.
- Frasier: Well, Roz, that's just a giant Screwdriver.
- Roz: Yeah, so? What am I, Martha Stewart?
- [about the pathetic attendance at his Christmas party]
- Frasier: People will go almost anywhere for free food and booze. Am I really so insufferable?
- Niles: Mel...
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: Niles, please, we're at a party.
- Niles: All right, you're right, we'll talk about it later.
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: No, no, we'll talk about it now. Just put on your party face.
- [they both stick on fake grins]
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: Don't embarrass me - as if I could be further embarrassed after you lied to me last night.
- Niles: I can explain...
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: Oh, no, no, no, you don't need to. When a man lies about where he's been, it's not hard to guess the reason. So what's the little whore's name?
- Daphne Moon: The other day I found out something about Dr. Crane I wasn't supposed to know.
- Roz Doyle: [excited] Frasier?
- Daphne Moon: No, his brother. Apparently, he's had a crush on me for years.
- Roz Doyle: [exhales] Thank God!
- Daphne Moon: What do you mean, "Thank God?"
- Roz Doyle: I've been afraid for months I'd be the one to blow the secret.
- Daphne Moon: You mean you knew?
- Roz Doyle: Well, everybody kinda did.
- Daphne Moon: And nobody said anything?
- Roz Doyle: Well, if Niles wasn't ready to say anything, it wasn't our place to do it.