- [Martin comes back early from a trip to San Francisco with his old Army buddy]
- Frasier: Dad! What are you doing here?
- Martin: Aw, Frisco was a bust! All our watering holes are gone, the steakhouse was a sushi bar, and this morning, Duke and I went out for a walk. We passed City Hall, and there's this big crowd, kind of like a pep rally or something. So, we joined them. Well, some official guy up front says something that we didn't hear, and the next thing you know, everybody's throwing rice, and all the men are kissing each other, and all the women are kissing each other, and I'm not sure but I think Duke and I may be married.
- Roz: I'm just sitting here thinking, what if my kid gets Rick's nose, and my ears and eyes? Throw in my grandfather's third nipple, I might as well pitch a tent and charge admission.
- Frasier: Quiche Lorraine, anyone?
- Steve Garrett: Quiche her? I hardly know her!
- Paula Garrett: Oh, Steve!
- Steve Garrett: [Puts nose over it] Boy, that smells wonderful.
- Paula Garrett: [With nose over it] Does it ever.
- [Frasier holds in his laughter]
- Paula Garrett: Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?
- Steve Garrett: Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little nosy.
- [Frasier tries his utmost not to laugh]
- Paula Garrett: Me nosy? You're the nosy one in the family.
- Steve Garrett: Anyone who knows you knows you're nosy!
- Paula Garrett: Anyone who knows you knows you're nosier!
- Martin: [Frasier walks back to the kitchen] Something wrong, Fras?
- Frasier: [Frasier bursts with hysterical - and clearly audible - laughter] "Quiche her? I hardly know her!"
- [everyone laughs]
- Frasier: I just got that!
- Steve Garrett: [smells quiche] Mmm, what's that I smell?
- Martin: Probably Japan.
- [everyone collapses with laughter]
- Frasier: [to Roz as she emerges from the powder room] Roz, this is Steve and Paula Garrett.
- Roz: [astounded by their large noses] Hi.
- Steve Garrett: Hi... oh, that's alright Roz, we don't blame you for being shocked.
- Paula Garrett: I mean, we're used to it. You should see the looks we get.
- Steve Garrett: You were a little taken aback yourself, weren't you, Dr. Crane?
- Frasier: Oh-ho-ho, certainly not!
- Paula Garrett: Oh, come on, it's alright! Everyone comments on it.
- Frasier: Well, I must admit when I opened the door I...
- Paula Garrett: [finishes] ... couldn't believe we were old enough to have a twenty year-old son.
- Frasier: [lying] Exactly! You know, you both look so young. Don't they, Roz?
- Roz: [still astounded, as the Garrett's turn to face her] Yes... young. Very, very, young.
- Paula Garrett: Oh Roz, I can see you're feeling a little uncomfortable, so let's just say, right up front, that we have no intention of intruding on your life.
- Steve Garrett: Rick told us what a wonderful person you are. We just wanted to meet you and offer any help or support that you think is appropriate.
- [Frasier gives Roz a reassuring smile]
- Roz: [sincerely and beginning to settle down] Thanks. That's very nice.
- [Frasier gives Daphne a pair of earrings which she mistakes for real sapphires]
- Daphne: [blabbering] You know, my friend Molly got a diamond bracelet from her boss but she worked for him for ten years, AND she was sleeping with him! And now I've got sapphires! And I didn't even have to sleep with you! Although now that I've got the sapphires... Oh God, what am I saying? I'm giddy! Is it rude if I go and try these on? I don't care! I have to see what these look like! I've never had real jewelry, before, never! I'm speechless!
- Paula Garrett: [Steve and Paula seem unaware of the size of their noses] Did I hear you mention you're going to a dog show?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Yes, the Seattle Kennel Club is having its annual event tonight.
- Paula Garrett: You know, Steve and I went to that a few years ago. We just love dogs! We have two giant Schnauzers.
- [Niles quivers in place, fighting hysterics. Daphne is also fighting hysterics. Niles takes a seat on the couch with a goofy smile on his face, much to the chagrin of Roz and Frasier]
- [Frasier checks his answering machine]
- Roz: I had my calls forwarded, I hope you don't mind.
- Marco: Roz, it's Marco. I'm coming to town this weekend. Are you busy Saturday night, late? Call me.
- Roz: [who's seven months pregnant] Obviously, Marco and I haven't talked for a long time.
- Frasier: Something tells me you never talked for a long time.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I need you to come to a dog show with me.
- Frasier: I would rather give you a lung!
- [to passing waitress]
- Frasier: Latte, please.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Frasier, I beg you. It's at the Seattle Kennel Club tomorrow night and I can't go alone, Maris will be there.
- Frasier: And in what class will Maris be showing?
- Dr. Niles Crane: She'll be showing no class!
- [they laugh]
- Dr. Niles Crane: As she has ever since she hooked up with that reptile, Dr. Schenkman.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I've never missed the kennel club show. If I don't go this year, people will think I've let Maris and Schenkman intimidate me! I want to prove that I'm strong and independent, and I can't do that alone.
- Steve Garrett: [Looking out Frasier's window] My goodness, Paula look at the view!
- Frasier: [turning to look out the window herself] Oh.
- Frasier: Roz, why don't you show the Garretts the view?
- Paula Garrett: Oh yes, that would be nice. I could use a breath of fresh air!
- [Roz takes the Garret's out on the balcony. Once they are outside, Niles and Daphne release their fit of hysteria]
- Frasier: [angry] Just stop it, the two of you! My God, you're acting like a couple of two year-olds!
- Martin: [Continuing his story as Roz and the Garretts come back inside] Well, the whole weekend was like that! Just one surprising event-
- [Martin turns around and screams at the sight of the Garretts' large noses. Niles and Daphne once again have to suppress their giggles as Roz looks on nervously]
- Steve Garrett: I-I'm sorry, did we startle you?
- Martin: [regaining his composure] Oh, no, no, I-I didn't know we had company.
- Frasier: Dad, Dad, this is Steve and Paula Garrett. They're Rick's parents, you remember Rick?
- Martin: [shaking hands] Oh sure, yeah! Hi, how are ya? Nice to meet you, Marty Crane.
- Roz: [after an awkward silence] Oh, they're just on their way to Paris to visit Rick.
- Martin: Oh, yeah? That sounds like fun.
- Paula Garrett: Yeah, I'm just a little nervous. I hear the Parisians can be kinda snooty.
- [This time, Martin turns away as he tries to fight his own fit of hysteria with Niles and Daphne]
- Daphne: [Fighting to keep her composure] Excuse me, I've got something in the oven.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Let me help you.
- Martin: Yeah, uh, me too!
- [as they make their way into the kitchen, Niles, Daphne and Martin collapse with stifled, hysterical laughter]
- Paula Garrett: Hi there, Steve Garrett.
- [Frasier is taken aback upon seeing Steve's enormously large nose and mechanically shakes his hand]
- Steve Garrett: My wife's just... uh, honey?
- Paula Garrett: [off-camera, to someone else] Well, it was nice seeing you too!
- [Paula turns around to face Frasier' she also has a enormously large nose]
- Paula Garrett: Oh, what a coincidence, your neighbor goes to my hair salon. Hi, I'm Paula.
- Frasier: [recovering, shaking hands] Frasier Crane. Won't you please come in? Roz'll be out in a second. She just went to powder her... self.
- Steve Garrett: We hope this isn't too awkward for her. She sounded a little anxious on the phone.
- Paula Garrett: Then again, who could blame her? She doesn't know what kind of people we are. A situation like this is enough to make anyone a little nervous.
- Frasier: Well, actually you know, Roz really isn't the nervous type.
- Roz: So, you're off to San Francisco.
- Martin: Yeah, yeah. Duke and I took our shore leave there in '52. We're going back to retrace our steps.
- Roz: That sounds like fun!
- Martin: Yeah, yeah. We had a great time that weekend. Back then there was no place like Frisco for a single guy cruising the streets looking for a good time.
- Frasier: You know dad, I think you'll find that Frisco hasn't changed all that much.
- Dr. Niles Crane: [Frasier reluctantly agrees to go to a dog show with him] Thank you, thank you, I knew I could count on you for this, Frasier. It's nice to know that some things never change.
- Roz: [a flustered Roz enters the cafe, carrying two suitcases] Do you guys know where I can get a cheap hotel room in a hurry?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Case in point! Goodbye, Roz.
- Frasier: You know Roz, if you're stuck, my dad's going to San Francisco for the weekend. You can always stay with me.
- Roz: Wow, that would sure make things easier.
- [quick]
- Roz: Okay.
- Frasier: [surprised] Well then, that's settled. That's that, then.
- Roz: [realizes] Oh, you were just being polite, you didn't really mean for me to take you up on it.
- Frasier: [covering] No, no, no, no. I wouldn't have suggested it if it wasn't something I wanted to do. You should know that.
- Roz: All right.
- Waitress: [brings coffee and bill] Here you go. There's your check.
- Roz: I'll get that.
- Frasier: No, no, no, let me get that.
- Roz: Okay.
- Frasier: [She hands it to him] Well then, lucky me - I'm getting everything I want today.