- Dr. Frasier Crane: Now I think I should still run against you.
- Martin Crane: Why?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, if I drop out just as you announce your candidacy, people might suspect something's up. It's better that our political legerdemain remain sub rosa, hmm? How would a normal person say that, Dad?
- Martin Crane: No one needs to know how the hot dogs are made.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: This is going to be sweet.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I don't think you have the skills for this job.
- Martin Crane: I have something better: people skills.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: So do I, but these boobs and nincompoops are too stupid to see it!
- Daphne Moon: I'm studying for my citizenship exam. It's about time I became am American like everyone else.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: If you were like everyone else, you wouldn't know any history.
- Paul: In the last couple of weeks, you've done more for this building than the last two presidents combined. Where do you get all these great ideas?
- Martin Crane: Oh, I don't know. They just come to me while I'm trying to watch TV.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Is this going to be a problem?
- Martin Crane: What?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I think we need to reach a little understanding. If someone asks you a question, you look at me. If I scratch my nose, it means "No." You get it? They both begin with the same two letters: "N-O." Now if I touch my eye, it means "aye," as in "yes."
- Martin Crane: Guess what you're being if I touch my ass.