Nathan Lane crédité pour le rôle de...
Phil
- Customer: Here he is. He's the man who's been impersonating Frasier Crane.
- Cop: All right, let's go.
- Frasier: What are you talking about? I am Frasier Crane.
- Cop: Do you have identification?
- Frasier: Well, no, no, but it's the truth.
- [to Phil]
- Frasier: Well, tell them.
- Phil: Thank god you got here when you did, officer. I've detained him as long as I could.
- Phil: There's only one person to blame for my problems, and that's me.
- [dialing Frasier's phone]
- Phil: Yeah, hi. The number for the Seattle PD, please.
- [to Frasier]
- Phil: I take the easy way out of everything. I always have, and you want to know why? I'm lazy. Lazy, lazy, lazy.
- [into the phone]
- Phil: Oh, sweetheart, I don't have the energy to look for a pencil. Could you just connect me? Thanks, hon.
- Frasier: You expect me to believe that your entire life of crime can be attributed to your laziness?
- Phil: Hey, it's the truth. I don't like to work, never have. And believe me, it's a lot easier to take something than to get a job. And I'm even a lazy criminal! A briefcase here, a set of car keys there, maybe a little light shoplifting; but, uh, a bank robbery? All that planning and split-second timing? Forget it. And that second-story stuff - grappling hooks, glass cutters - who does that?
- Phil: Damn it! How did you find me?
- Frasier: Well, a certain Denise called the station today. She had to cancel your little rendezvous.
- Phil: Great, and I put on my best suit.
- Frasier: No, you put on my best suit.
- Phil: Well, I guess this is it. Party's over. I'm so stupid. You probably want to call the police, huh?
- Frasier: No. What I would like to do is throttle you 'till your eyes shoot across the room like champagne corks! But I won't, because this is still a civilzed world, but it won't be for long if you lowlifes have your way, because with every wallet you steal, you put bars on someone else's windows! With every purse you snatch, you put mace on another key chain! Every day, you make our lives a little less livable and I hope that burns on your conscience! Well, what do you have to say for yourself?
- Phil: You're right.
- Frasier: Oh, oh, oh, I see. I see. You think by agreeing with me, I'll let you off the hook.
- Phil: No. I'm saying you're right. I'm not trying to weasel out of this. I'm guilty, and I deserve what I get. Look. Here's your keys. The car's out front with your briefcase in it. Here.
- [handing him a cell phone]
- Phil: Go ahead and call the police. That's your new car phone, by the way. I upgraded. Well, I should have known things were gonna turn out like this for me.
- Frasier: Oh, yes, here it comes, yes. The old sob story. "Daddy didn't love me. Mother ignored me. The bully next door stole my baseball glove."
- Phil: No. Dad loved me, mom spoiled me, and I *was* the bully next door.
- Frasier: [calling the cops on his identity thief] You know, you seem to be taking this awfully well.
- Phil: Well, it's like I said, it was bound to happen.
- Frasier: Or perhaps... perhaps you wanted to get caught.
- Phil: Huh?
- Frasier: Yes, well, think about it. You've been taking greater and greater risks. Isn't that the behavior of a man who wants to get caught?
- Phil: I'm telling you, Doc, lazy. Look at your pants, for God's sake!
- [showing him the pant leg]
- Phil: You'd think I'd take them in to be hemmed, right? Staples!
- Phil: I think I found your briefcase.
- Frasier: Oh, really? Really, are you sure?
- Phil: Pretty sure.
- Frasier: Well, there's a way we can be positive. Simply turn over the briefcase and in the upper right-hand corner you should find a half-moon-shaped watermark, such as would be left by the careless resting of a champagne flute.