Frasier (TV Series)

Desperately Seeking Closure (1997)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frasier : [has everyone tell him his faults]  Fuss budget! Well, listen, if you don't mind the substitution, I think maybe "demanding" is more the mot juste.

  Daphne : Pretentious.

  Frasier : Right, you see, this is very good. Roz, you must have something?

  Roz : Well, you are a little full of yourself.

  Frasier : Great. Okay, pompous.

  Roz : And you do tend to ramble on with the callers.

  Frasier : A tad loquacious.

  Martin : Pretentious.

  Frasier : Dad, I already wrote that down.

  Martin : Underline it.

  Niles : Oh, snippy.

  Daphne : Sarcastic.

  Martin : Bossy.

  Niles : Huffy.

  Roz : Vain.

  Frasier : Oh, how nice we've finally found an activity we all enjoy together!

  Martin : Oh, don't worry about it Frasier. You'll be fine, you'll bounce back. You're tough.

  Roz : And resourceful.

  Niles : Resilient.

  Martin : Optimistic.

  Niles : Tenacious.

  Daphne : Conceited.

  Martin : Wrong list, Daph.

• Dr. Niles Crane : I just wonder if what you're mourning is not so much the loss of Sam, it's the loss of her celebrity lifestyle.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I must admit things never did seem quite right between us. God, if it hadn't been for her friends, I probably would have broken it off myself. Oh, God, shame on me.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Don't punish yourself, Frasier. At least you're deep enough to realize you're shallow.

• Frasier : Oh, God, the funniest thing happened in the lodge last night. Jack Nicholson and Tom Brokaw discovered they were wearing exactly the same jacket. So they staged a mock fight. Suddenly, Donna Karen flew between them pretending to referee. I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my toddy on someone named Fuff Daddy!

  Waitress : Can I get anything for you?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Just a dustpan and broom to sweep up some of these names!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [to Sam]  I know I played the piano in the lounge a little too long, but who knew General Schwartzkopf was so crazy for show tunes!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : By the way, thanks again for this weekend.

  Samantha Pierce : You're welcome.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You know, it's funny, I think it was a real turning point for us... well, for me. You see, I was so relaxed! At the beginning of relationships usually I-I'm very tentative. I just have this dark fear that I'm about to be cut loose.

  Samantha Pierce : Frasier...

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, I know, I know. I'm just being so insecure, it's nice to know that I'm on solid ground.

  Samantha Pierce : Um, Frasier...

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm standing on quicksand, aren't I?

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Come on in, Roz. You know, I was wondering...

  Roz Doyle : No! I don't know why Sam broke up with you, okay? Just like I didn't know two hours ago. Just like Gil and Bulldog and Miss Judy from the Arts & Crafts hour didn't know!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : It never hurts to ask. Miss Judy had some real insights before she had to make her Popsicle stick run.

• Roz Doyle : Oh, come on, Frasier, why don't you just admit what you're doing here. This isn't some "help-me-be-a-better-person" thing. You're trying to figure out what you can fix so you can win Sam back.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, now, Roz, that's preposterous.

  Roz Doyle : Look who you're talking to! I've been down this road so many times, I call it "The Roz Expressway".

  Dr. Niles Crane : I've heard that phrase before, but in a slightly different context.

• Martin Crane : Now, you know, Fras', I know you're always looking for an explanation for everything but sometimes there isn't one.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yeah, I know Dad. It's gonna just drive me crazy. You know, until I know why it ended, I'll just assume it was any number of things about me. My self confidence will be shattered.

  Martin Crane : Well, you've got two choices here. You can spend days trying to figure it out until it drives you nuts or you can do the smart thing, make a clean break, never talk to her again, and get on with your life.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [pause]  You're right, Dad, that's exactly what I should do. Thank you.

  Martin Crane : No problem.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You know, sometimes you're very insightful.

  Martin Crane : Well, I've been around the block a few times.

  [pause] 

  Martin Crane : So, when are you going to go talk to her?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Right after my waffles.

• Roz Doyle : Wait, you have her access code for her answering machine?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, luckily I set it up with her. I gave her an access code that would be easy to remember - my birthday.

  Martin Crane : What's so easy about May 7th?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I wouldn't know, Dad. My birthday's in March!

• Man in Street : What's the matter with you?

  Frasier : That's just it. I don't know!