The Flintstones (TV Series)

Alvin Brickrock Presents (1961)

Alan Reed: Fred Flintstone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Rubble : [looking into Alvin Brickrock's home and finding a dinosaur skeleton]  What a gloomy place this is.

  [gulps] 

  Barney Rubble : Your suspicions were correct, Fred, there she is, Agatha Brickrock, with her outside removed.

  Fred Flintstone : That's not Agatha, that's a mastadon.

  Barney Rubble : A whatsadon?

  Fred Flintstone : A big thing with a lumpy body, thick legs, a big nose, flappy ears and tusks.

  Barney Rubble : Sounds like Agatha to me.

• Arnold : Collect for the paper, Mr. Flintstone.

  Fred Flintstone : How much?

  Arnold : $1.75.

  Fred Flintstone : $1.75 only four weeks newspapers?

  Arnold : Four weeks newspapers, and a month's rentals on my comics. Peter Gunnite and the Bald Blonde Caper, and I was a Member of the Mafia for the FBI, and I was a Member of the FBI for the Mafia, and Peter Masonite and the Permanent Wave Murders.

  Fred Flintstone : I don't remember that one.

  Arnold : Oh sure, the killer throws his victims into a vat of permament wave lotion and they get curled to death.

  Fred Flintstone : Oh yeah, yeah, he buries them in snail shells! Go on.

  Arnold : And you're 26 cents overdue for my Little Golden Treasury of children's murder mysteries.

  Fred Flintstone : Oh well I'm not finished with that yet, here's your money, Arnold.

• Fred Flintstone : [playing cards]  Barney, what would you do if you were holding the queen alone?

  Barney Rubble : I don't know, Fred, it all depends on what time the king gets home.

  [laughs] 

• Wilma Flintstone : I didn't know there was a fight scheduled.

  Barney Rubble : Are you kidding? Tonight's for the championship, oooohh it should be a real grudge boat.

  Betty Rubble : Heavyweight or lightweight?

  Barney Rubble : Both, a heavyweight vs. a lightweight.

  Wilma Flintstone : Why're you putting the chairs over there by the window? The TV set's here.

  Fred Flintstone : This is not on TV, it's a closed circuit.

  Betty Rubble : But who's fighting?

  Barney Rubble : The new neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Brickrock.

• Fred Flintstone : [at Barney's window]  Psst, hey Barney, Barney!

  Barney Rubble : Hey Fred, what're you doing in the middle of my begonias in the middle of the night?

• Fred Flintstone : Don't you see? Our neighbor Alvin Brickrock, he borrowed my shovel! He could be a vicious monster! A diabolocal fiend!

  Barney Rubble : Well Fred, you haven't returned my lawn mower and I don't feel that way about you.

• Barney Rubble : I have a question. What are you, some kind of a radical?

  Alvin Brickrock : What do you mean?

  Barney Rubble : Your name isn't Alvin Brickrock. It's Archie Oogley.

  Fred Flintstone : Archie Oogley?

  Barney Rubble : Yeah. Just like it says right here, on this book.

  [Book title is Archaeology] 

• [after reading about Albert Bonehart] 

  Fred Flintstone : Good evening?

  Wilma Flintstone : What?

  Fred Flintstone : Good evening! Good evening!

  Wilma Flintstone : I said good night, Fred.

  Fred Flintstone : I mean Alvin Brickrock.

  Wilma Flintstone : He said good night, too.

  Fred Flintstone : B-But... Ooh... H-He borrowed my shovel!

  Wilma Flintstone : Really, Fred. He's only had the shovel 45 minutes. You're not gonna start nagging him already.

• Fred Flintstone : I wouldn't miss tonight's bout for anything. Those two have been putting on the greatest fight of the century. Last night's bout was a doozy. Did you ever hear such hysterics? All that screaming and shrieking in that high voice.

  Barney Rubble : Yeah, I thought he'd never stop.

  Betty Rubble : Oh, that's terrible! You mean that meek little man hits his wife?

  Fred Flintstone : No. In the last three bouts, he didn't even lay a glove on her. He's strictly a defensive fighter.

  Barney Rubble : You'd think she'd let him win once in a while just to keep up his interest.

• Wilma Flintstone : It's funny how little you know about your neighbors; what really goes on behind closed doors.

  Betty Rubble : We don't even know what business he's in, and they've been living in that big old gloomy house for a whole week.

  Fred Flintstone : You never see that Brickrock guy going to work, do you think he's retired?

  Barney Rubble : No Fred, the lights are still on.

  Fred Flintstone : I mean what kind of work is he out of?

  Barney Rubble : Well did you see some of those spooky crates and boxes?

  Fred Flintstone : What do you mean spooky? What's spooky about crates and boxes?

  Barney Rubble : Shaped like coffins?

• Fred Flintstone : [reading]  He was a midget in the big house, see? And he tried to escape by wiggling through a mouse hole after lights out, but he outsmarted himself, see? Cuz it wasn't a mouse hole, it was a light socket, and somebody turned the lights on.

• Fred Flintstone : Hmmm, here's the crook of the month. Fifteen thousand reward for information leading to apprehension of Albert Bonehart, wanted for questioning in disappearance of three former wives. Bonehart's fourth wife was last seen in a little railroad station in a valise, a ladies hatbox, and an executive's briefcase. Well, that's one way to send your wife to the country.