Alex P. Keaton: Mom, I made a pact with myself never to speak to you again. But I've given myself permission to suspend it. Briefly. Because frankly, mom, the curiosity is killing me. How on earth can you possibly justify doing what you did to me tonight? Go ahead. I'm listening.
[Elyse starts to say something but]
Alex P. Keaton: Oh, I know! I know. You're mad because I disobeyed you. Well, let me tell you something, mom I only disobeyed you because you were wrong. Without just cause or provocation, you denied me permission to do something I have every right in the world to do.
[Elyse, getting pissed, just looks down in amazement]
Alex P. Keaton: Oh, sure. Sure, this is your house. And as long as it's your house, I got to live by your rules. Well, that used to be true. Not anymore, mom. I'm an adult now. I got 18 years under this belt. And my life is in my own hands.
[Elyse nods silently]
Alex P. Keaton: Have you anything else to say? I thought not. All right, mom. Okay. I think I've refuted all your arguments. Until you are ready to apologize to me, I am done speaking with you.
Elyse Keaton: Oh! I didn't realize you'd started speaking with me.
Alex P. Keaton: What is that supposed to mean?
Elyse Keaton: For the past two days, Alex, you have complained to me, grunted at me, lectured to me, and presented me with ultimatums, but not once... not, not once have you even come close to talking with me.
Alex P. Keaton: Semantics. Okay, mom. All right. Okay, okay. I haven't been very "chatty" lately. I haven't been a million laughs. That is not the issue here. The issue here is my right to live my own life without having you try and control it!
Elyse Keaton: You have every right to live your life. I'm not trying to deny you that!
Alex P. Keaton: Oh, no? Oh, no? Okay, then why did you drive a hundred miles and humiliate me in front of half the state of West Virginia? You had a few hours to kill?
Elyse Keaton: No, Alex. I did it because you defied me. And even more important than that, I did it because I was hurt and angry and fed up!
Alex P. Keaton: About what?
Elyse Keaton: I've tried starting conversations with you, only to be politely dismissed. I've asked for you to help around the house and been ignored. You canceled out dinner plans that I had made without a moment's thought to my concern in the matter. I do not enjoy being made to feel like an intrusion and an annoyance in my own son's life!
Alex P. Keaton: Okay. Look, mom. I'm... I'm sorry that I wasn't more sensitive. Okay, I guess I should have been. But I'm not used to thinking that way when it pertains to you. I mean, I-i-i think of you as my mother, not... not as a person. You know what I mean.
Elyse Keaton: Surprise, Alex. I am a real person. Flesh and blood, real feelings! And maybe in... in one sense, I was wrong not to let you go out with your friends. But if you want me to respect your rights as an adult, then you better start respecting mine!
Alex P. Keaton: Okay, I didn't respect your rights, and you didn't respect mine. So, uh How do we figure out who's right and who's wrong here?
Elyse Keaton: There is no absolute right or wrong. It's my job as a parent to set boundaries, and it's your job to negotiate to change them. When you were 7 years old, we got in an argument because you wanted to walk to school by yourself.
Alex P. Keaton: I remember. I remember, and, uh I was right. And you let me go.
Elyse Keaton: Yes. But I followed you. And I hid behind trees and mailboxes to make sure you looked both ways and you crossed on the green.
Alex P. Keaton: Did I?
Elyse Keaton: Yes. In fact, when another kid tried to cross in the middle of the block, you made a citizen's arrest.
Alex P. Keaton: Yeah, that was little Timmy Dugan. I let him off with a warning.
Elyse Keaton: It's unbelievable to me, Alex, that 18 years ago tonight, I had a baby boy.
Alex P. Keaton: Me, right?
Elyse Keaton: Ever since that night, you've been trying so hard to grow up, and I've been trying so hard not to let it happen.
Alex P. Keaton: Well, considering, uh We have been at cross purposes, uh I think we're doing all right. Mom, um I'm sorry that I've been treating you so rotten lately.
[Alex extends his hand to Elyse]
Elyse Keaton: [Taking Alex's hand] Accepted. Sorry I ruined your dinner.
Alex P. Keaton: Ah, don't worry about it. I had to go to bed early anyway. I'm attacking Canada in the morning.
Elyse Keaton: Good luck.
Alex P. Keaton: Thank you.
Elyse Keaton: And happy birthday.
Alex P. Keaton: Thank you.
Elyse Keaton: [Hugging Alex] Oh, I love you honey!
Alex P. Keaton: Aw Mom, don't start that stuff.
[a pause, but then]
Alex P. Keaton: I love you too, Mom.
[they come out of the embrace]
Elyse Keaton: Ah, It's getting pretty late. You coming up?
Alex P. Keaton: Yeah. In a second. Uh, there's something I got to do first.
[He goes over to the trash can and picks up a big bag of trash and goes towards the door]
Alex P. Keaton: I just want to take this garbage out. Elyse.
[He goes out]
