Ricky Gervais credited as playing...
Andy Millman
- Maggie Jacobs: [trying to persuade Andy to ask Ross Kemp for a line] Just talk to him. Tell him you loved him in Eastenders, Ultimate Force, Spandau Ballet...
- Andy Millman: He wasn't in Spandau Ballet. You're thinking of Martin Kemp.
- Maggie Jacobs: Aren't they brothers?
- Andy Millman: In Spandau Ballet, it's Martin Kemp and Gary Kemp.
- Maggie Jacobs: So who's this one?
- Andy Millman: Ross Kemp.
- Maggie Jacobs: Who's his brother?
- Andy Millman: I... I don't know if he's got a brother.
- Maggie Jacobs: Yes, he has. The bald one, looks just like him, works in the Queen Vic.
- Andy Millman: Phil Mitchell?
- Maggie Jacobs: Yes.
- Andy Millman: Well, they're brothers on the show but they're not brothers in real life.
- Maggie Jacobs: Yes, they are! They're the Mitchell brothers.
- Andy Millman: [getting exasperated] What do you mean the Mitchell brothers? You know his name's Ross Kemp!
- [Maggie is still looking very puzzled]
- Andy Millman: What bit's confusing you?
- Maggie Jacobs: [after a pause. mumbles] The brothers.
- Andy Millman: The brothers.
- [an extra walks by wearing a futuristic sci-fi costume]
- Andy Millman: Is that confusing you too? Do you think we've landed in the future?
- Maggie Jacobs: Shut your face!
- Andy Millman: You just want someone to call up and give me an advert?
- Andy's Agent: That would be amazing. That would be brilliant.
- Andy Millman: OK, make sure the phone's on the hook, then.
- Andy's Agent: You joke about it - it was unplugged for two days, no-one noticed !
- Andy Millman: Right, this is the deal... you've been my agent for what, five years? And you're not getting me any real acting work.
- Andy's Agent: Nothing's coming in.
- Andy Millman: [incredulously] Nothing's come in in five years.
- Andy's Agent: That's the problem. I know. I'm as annoyed as you are, but I'm not sure there's a demand for, you know, little 45-year-old blokes.
- Andy Millman: 43.
- Andy's Agent: Whatever. You know, I just... I wonder, are you sure you want to be an actor? You know, you've given it five years; nothing's come in. Maybe it's time to just throw in the towel.
- Andy Millman: [holding out his arm, as if introducing his agent to an imaginary crowd] My agent, ladies and gentlemen! My agent.