Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Series)
Cousin Gerard (1999)
Fred Stoller: Gerard
Photos
Quotes
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Gerard : [reading] "It was Sandy Koufax, Nolan Ryan to name a few. Well, these men are-"
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Hey, what are you doing?
Gerard : Yeah, it's nothing. It's good. Whatever. "And"
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Gerard, if there's something wrong, you gotta tell me.
Gerard : It's just - I don't know. Doesn't whore have a "W"?
Raymond "Ray" Barone : What are you talking about?
Gerard : You called some guy a whore in here.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Wait, wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I don't-I don't call a guy a whore in my book.
Gerard : Yes, you do. "Lou Gehrig was the Iron Hore" H-O-R-E.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Yeah, horse. See, I forgot the "S". He was the Iron Horse.
Gerard : Oh. That doesn't make sense either.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : But that's good. That's a typo. Thanks.
Gerard : Yeah, but you would have found it eventually.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : But you found it.
Gerard : Or someone else would've.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Gerard, you did it. You found something. You're doing good.
Gerard : I might have missed something else though. I think I was distracted by that whore.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : It's not whore! I don't write whore in my book!
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Raymond "Ray" Barone : What does a cat say?
Gerard : You mean a talking cat?
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Raymond "Ray" Barone : [to Gerard] You even talk strange. You're all nasally and whinily and - like the word you just said, right...
[points]
Gerard : [Now, in nasal] Ne-ow?
Raymond "Ray" Barone : [shakes head] Okay, what does a cat say?
Gerard : [confused] You mean a talking cat?
Raymond "Ray" Barone : No! A regular cat, a regular cat. What does a regular cat say?
Gerard : Meow?
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Meow, now, meow, now. You see how annoying that can be?
Gerard : Yeah, but what do you want?
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Try it like this.
[deep round tone]
Raymond "Ray" Barone : right NOW.
Gerard : Right ne-ow.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Try it again.
Gerard : Right ne-ow.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : [normal] Right now.
Gerard : [all in nasal] Right ne-ow
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Now!
Gerard : Neow!
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Now!
Gerard : Neow!
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Now!
Gerard : Neow! It's the same.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : [more Now's until Ray says] It isn't... this isn't about me Gerard.
Gerard : Well, knock it off! You're really annoying. That's right! You know what? I quit! I've had it with you and your whole side of the family. I only took this job because my mom owes Aunt Marie.
Raymond "Ray" Barone : My mom owes your mom!
Gerard : Yeah yeah , believe whatever you want. I'm outta here, you crazy bastard!
Raymond "Ray" Barone : [yells up basement steps] You got problems, pal! You got problems, all right?... And I'll tell you something, you're gonna go through life blind to your problems and there's no call for that kind of language!
[to self]
Raymond "Ray" Barone : Ne-ow. Ugh. Right ne-ow. Agh! Right now now!
[Round deep tone again]
Raymond "Ray" Barone : "Right NOW! Right NOW!