- [Dr. Ross is in the cafeteria buying lunch for him and Charlie]
- Dr. Doug Ross: Alright, both of these, plus the three danish, the two packets of cocoa, and the two dinner rolls she's got in her pocket.
- [Jeanie puts a star on top of the ER's Christmas tree]
- Dr. Maggie Doyle: It looks good. Where'd you get it?
- Jeanie Boulet: My ex-husband brought it by. It came off our first Christmas tree.
- Dr. Maggie Doyle: That's an heirloom. You should put it on your family tree.
- Jeanie Boulet: [smiles] I just did.
- Dr. Mark Greene: Who's next?
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: Ho, ho, ho.
- Dr. Mark Greene: Santa Claus?
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: No, that's who's next. 3 hookers.
- [Dr. Greene enters carrying a sled]
- Dr. Dennis Gant: Sled to work, Dr. Greene?
- Dr. Mark Greene: It's a Christmas present for my daughter.
- Randi Fronczak: That's it?
- Dr. Mark Greene: Don't you remember sliding in those snow-covered bluffs with the cold wind flowing through your hair?
- Dr. Dennis Gant: We didn't have too many snow-covered bluffs in Atlanta.
- Randi Fronczak: We did in Grand Rapids. I coasted right through rush-hour traffic, got hit by a car... Didn't they have one of those dollies that wet itself or something?
- Randi Fronczak: [holds out the phone] For you, Dennis.
- Dr. Dennis Gant: Is Benton trying to reach out and touch me?
- Dr. Maggie Doyle: I think your jaw is broken. The antibiotics will keep bacteria from getting into your bloodstream at the fracture site. But, looking at your chart here, I guess you know the drill, huh? Humerus fracture, 1993. Nasal fracture, 1993. Multiple visits for sutures, 1994, and your first broken jaw was in December 1995. I guess hubby thought he'd go out with a bang this year too, huh?
- Beth Lang: It was an accident.
- Dr. Maggie Doyle: Yeah. Your face got in the way of his fist.
- [Mark is trying to feed a patient's dog a donut]
- Nurse Haleh Adams: No good?
- Dr. Mark Greene: No, and I've tried PB&J, cookies, fruitcake...
- Randi Fronczak: Nobody likes fruitcake.
- Dr. Mark Greene: I thought dogs ate everything.
- Randi Fronczak: Why don't you take him down to the morgue and have him beg for some table scraps.
- [Mark's beeper goes off]
- Dr. Mark Greene: That's Mr. Collins. Maybe he knows what you like to eat.
- [Mark reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog snaps and growls at him]
- Nurse Haleh Adams: I think he likes you.
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: We're talking policy here, people. "Employee X" could be any one of us.
- Jeanie Boulet: Excuse me... Just would everyone stop calling me "Employee X"? I am HIV-positive.
- Dr. John Carter: My father used to read The Christmas Story every Christmas Eve. I'm so tired, I don't even think I remember it.
- Dr. Abby Keaton: Um..."'Twas the night before Christmas..."
- Dr. John Carter: "And all through the house... Not a creature was stirring..."
- Dr. Abby Keaton: "Not even a mouse."
- Dr. John Carter: I'm gonna miss you.
- Dr. Abby Keaton: That's not the next line!
- Dr. John Carter: I'm really gonna miss you.
- Carol Hathaway: [Trauma patient won't let go of a cooked goose] You gotta give me the goose now so we can attach an EKG to your chest.
- Miss Understood, Drag Queen: You want me to give you my Christmas dinner? Uh uh, Miss Thing!
- Carol Hathaway: Give me the damn bird.
- Miss Understood, Drag Queen: Well, where you gonna put it?
- Carol Hathaway: With the rest of your personal belongings.
- Miss Understood, Drag Queen: Well, you better, 'cause I don't want to wake up and find you *pickin' your teeth*!