Waylon Jennings aufgeführt in der Rolle von...
The Balladeer
- Daisy Duke: [transistor radio] Hey, everybody! Listen! That's my song! Jessi Colter is singing my song! Come on!
- Luke Duke: What are you talking about?
- Daisy Duke: I wrote that song! I wrote it!
- The Balladeer: That's Cousin Daisy. She works as a waitress, but aspires to better things. Daisy can cause more trouble than a new-born baby. Uncle Jesse is the Duke patriarch. His word is law... Usually obeyed out of love... But always obeyed.
- Uncle Jesse: Who'd you say that was singing?
- Daisy Duke: [jumping up and down with excitement] It's Jessi Colter!
- The Balladeer: And for all you folks ignorant of good music, Jessi Colter's one of the world's best singers. Though I'm partial to June Carter myself.
- voice on the radio: And that was Jessi Colter's latest on the Big 40 Country Hits album.
- Daisy Duke: I just can't believe it!
- [bursts out laughing]
- Uncle Jesse: That sounded real good, Daisy.
- Daisy Duke: It took me forever to write the notes down. And after all these years of writing songs, I sent it to this music publisher, and now Jessi Colter is singing it!
- Bo Duke: Well, that's great, Daisy. How much are they paying you?
- Daisy Duke: The pay?
- Luke Duke: Well, they did pay you?
- Daisy Duke: No, I paid them!
- Luke Duke: That's the sort of business we ought to have.
- Daisy Duke: There was this magazine ad where you paid $50 and they published your songs. So I saved up all my tip money till I had enough, and I sent my song in, and I got this letter back saying it was published.
- Bo Duke: Now, Daisy, uh... some of those ads are for phony operations.
- Uncle Jesse: You think Daisy's been took?
- Luke Duke: Well, they got Daisy's song, Jessi Colter's got a recording, and Daisy's got $50 less than she had before.
- Uncle Jesse: That's took. And $50 in nickel tips ain't easy to come by.
- Luke Duke: [educating Daisy] When you record a song, you're supposed to get royalties.
- Bo Duke: Well, uh, where is this publishing company anyway?
- Daisy Duke: It's Lester Starr Music Publishing, in Atlanta.
- Uncle Jesse: [shakes his head] That place ain't been right since Sherman burned it.
- Daisy Duke: [giggles] Now come on, I'll bet this Mr. Starr just made an oversight.
- Bo Duke: [to Luke] You think we ought to go on to Atlanta and check it out?
- Luke Duke: [before Daisy goes up the stairs] Starr's in the apartment upstairs. We'll be watching the door. Be sure to holler if you need help.
- Lester Starr: [in upstairs apartment, reclining on couch, on phone to Boss Hogg] Boss, Boss, believe me, they've got nothing on us. Nothing!
- [doorbell rings, he stands up to open door]
- Daisy Duke: Hey, my name is Daisy,
- [giggles]
- Daisy Duke: and I wanna be a star.
- Lester Starr: [can't believe his luck] Come in.
- Daisy Duke: Okay.
- [enters]
- Daisy Duke: Now I know millions of girls are always dropping in with cheap tricks to help you get their careers started.
- [drops her jacket - she's in tight top, hot pants and high heels]
- Daisy Duke: Well, I decided to do the same thing.
- Lester Starr: Well,
- [chuckles]
- Lester Starr: I think you made the right move.
- Daisy Duke: [sits down, showing off her sheer-pantyhose legs] I swear I'll do anything to get you to listen to my tape.
- Lester Starr: Anything?
- Daisy Duke: About.
- [as he tries to get comfy next to her:]
- Daisy Duke: Oh, now look, if you're going to seduce me or something, shouldn't you be offering me a drink? Of course, I really don't know, you see, I'm so country.
- Lester Starr: Really?
- Daisy Duke: [softly] Hmm.
- Lester Starr: Baby, I'll make you a singing star without even hearing you.
- Daisy Duke: [giggles, gets up] Oh, I'm gonna put on my tape, and you can listen. My act is very unique. You see, I got this freak voice. So I do sound-alikes. But with all these singers getting rich imitating people who are dead, I decided to pull a switch and imitate people who are alive. You think it will catch on?
- Lester Starr: [still mesmerized] Sure, sure.
- Daisy Duke: Now, this is only a rehearsal tape. Just rhythm behind me. It's my Jessi Colter.
- Lester Starr: [in the mood for romance, but as the song starts - the genuine Jessi, of course - business takes precedence... fortunately just in time for Daisy's virtue] Is that you? You do sound a little like her.
- Daisy Duke: [another track] This is my Loretta Lynn.
- ["love is the foundation we lean on..." by the genuine singer]
- Daisy Duke: And this is my Donna Fargo.
- [another track]
- Lester Starr: We're gonna make a fortune!
- Daisy Duke: Yes, I thought we might. When can we start?
- Lester Starr: Tomorrow. Today. Right now!
- Daisy Duke: Then it's a deal?
- Lester Starr: It's a deal! I'll set up a test session about day after tomorrow. We'll use stolen music tracks behind you. Baby, this is gonna be... Wh... where are you going?
- Daisy Duke: You just set up that recording session, and I'll call you.
- Lester Starr: Whoo!
- [punches air]
- Lester Starr: We'll make millions!
- Daisy Duke: It's the least I can do for a man who didn't try to take advantage of me.
- [blows him a kiss on her way out]
- The Balladeer: I don't know about you, but she'd have done had my boots and guitar.
- The Balladeer: [police cars in pursuit] Now, while all hell was busting loose behind her, Miss Daisy was writing another hit.
- Daisy Duke: [storming out to the General Lee] You know what? Y'all are about as handy as a left-handed anvil! While I was there getting attacked by this lecherous midget, you two are orgying all over that pool.
- Bo Duke: Did he go for it?
- Luke Duke: Did he take the bait?
- Daisy Duke: He's gonna make me queen of the pirates.
- Bo Duke: Fantastic!
- Daisy Duke: And thanks for asking about my virtue - which you didn't - being intact - which it is!
- [whirls, climbs into car through window]
- Luke Duke: [after she's slithered inside] Do you understand that?
- Bo Duke: No.
- The Balladeer: [the boys climb in as well] Now if you're wondering why they climb in and out of the car windows, the doors of a racing car are welded shut. Ain't that slick?