- Laura Petrie: Can't you forget about last year?
- Rob Petrie: No, I wanna remember last year. I don't wanna forget it so that next year I don't have to remember *this* year.
- Laura Petrie: Darling, it wasn't that bad.
- Rob Petrie: It wasn't that bad? You had some fun doing it, but you don't remember it, do you? You don't remember how I came home that day? I do. Oh, boy, do I remember. I remember coming home that evening to find that Mrs. Billings' group was holding a meeting in our living room, and behind my back, I had been elected chair. I can still hear Mrs. Billings gushing.
- Mrs. Billings: And now that you're head of the whole show, what can we do to make your job easy?
- Rob Petrie: Impeach me.
- Rob Petrie: Hey, that is a beautiful brunch outfit you've got on.
- Laura Petrie: Thank you.
- Rob Petrie: You know, if you keep lookin' that good in the morning, I may have to switch to an afternoon newspaper.
- Rob Petrie: And, uh, is, uh, Miss Harding still teaching Kindergarten?
- Laura Petrie: Yes, but, uh, Miss Harding can't participate in the play.
- Rob Petrie: Huh? Why?
- Laura Petrie: Well, a few of the wives got up a little petition that prohibits her from being anything but a script girl.
- Rob Petrie: Petition? Wh-when did THIS happen?
- Laura Petrie: First thing tomorrow morning.
- Mrs. Billings: Oh, Mr. Petrie, I saw your show the other night.
- Rob Petrie: Oh, thank you very much.
- Mrs. Billings: Well, you can't win them all, can you.
- Rob Petrie: I'm sorry.
- Mrs. Billings: Oh, I don't blame you, Mr. Petrie. I could have turned it off. My husband said, "Why don't you turn it off?" and I said "No, it's going to get better.", but it didn't, did it?
- [first lines]
- Rob Petrie: Hey, is that beautiful brunch outfit you got on?
- Laura Petrie: Thank you.
- Rob Petrie: You know, if you keep looking that good in the morning, I may have to switch to an afternoon newspaper.
- [Laura kisses him]
- Rob Petrie: Or maybe a weekly news magazine.
- [they both kiss]
- Laura Petrie: Darling, are you in a good mood?
- Rob Petrie: I am now.
- Laura Petrie: Well, then I guess it's safe for me to tell you that Mrs. Billings is coming over today.
- Rob Petrie: Oh, that's nice. Mrs. Billings is coming over today. Mrs. Billings. Honey... is there a new Mrs. Billings in our neighborhood, or is this the Mrs. Billings who ran that amateur variety show last year?
- Laura Petrie: It's the same Mrs. Billings.
- Rob Petrie: That's what I thought, and I'll see you around.
- Laura Petrie: Rob, where are you going?
- Rob Petrie: Wherever there's no Mrs. Billings. Under no circumstances will I write and direct another amateur variety show this year, and you may tell Mrs. Billings that.
- Laura Petrie: Darling, she didn't say anything about you doing the show again.
- Rob Petrie: Yeah, I can just hear her.
- [mimicking Mrs. Billings]
- Rob Petrie: "Oh, Mr. Petrie, it's so easy for you. I don't know how you writers get your wonderful ideas."
- [normal voice]
- Rob Petrie: Absolutely not.
- Laura Petrie: Well, darling, if you do turn her down, you'll do it gently, won't you?
- Rob Petrie: No! Turning her down gently is how I ended up doing the variety show last year. Boy, this year, when she says, "Mr. Petrie, would you do our show this year?", I'm gonna answer her with a three-letter word.
- Laura Petrie: "Yes"?
- Rob Petrie: [shakes his head] N-O exclamation point.