The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Romance, Roses and Rye Bread (1964)

Sid Melton: Bert Monker

Quotes 

• Sally Rogers : Bert, uh, did you say you know about who left the rose here? Did you see the guy?

  Bert Monker : It was a little token of love to the Cleopatra of Comedy from the Caesar of Sandwiches, to the Juliet of Jokes from the Romeo of Rye. Don't... don't you know who?

• Bert Monker : What is Rock Huson gonna give ya? Heartache.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah, what do we get from your sandwiches? Heartburn.

• Sally Rogers : And, um, thank you very, very much for the rose.

  Bert Monker : Did... Did you really like it?

  Sally Rogers : LIKE it? I'm gonna take this rose home and crush it between two pieces of rye bread.

• Bert Monker : You know somthin', I... I, uh... I had a birthday last week.

  Sally Rogers : Oh, really? Why didn't you tell us?

  Bert Monker : Well, when a man gets to be my age, he... doesn't like to tell. It's a shock to his system.

  Sally Rogers : Yeah, I know. I had that shock the first time I was twenty-nine.

• Rob Petrie : You know something about that rose?

  Bert Monker : Why shouldn't I know something about the rose?

  Rob Petrie : Bert, why do you always answer a question with a question?

  Bert Monker : Do I?

• Bert Monker : I would climb mountains, swim oceans, cross deserts for you. Lucky, I only had to take the subway.

  Sally Rogers : That's a little more dangerous than the other three.

• Bert Monker : Exactly one year ago today, this lovely lady came into my place and whispered these sweet words that will live forever in my heart, "Pastrami with mustard, please".

  Sally Rogers : How do you remember that?

  Bert Monker : You're the only one who ever said "Please".