- Jimmy: [to Spinner] Come on, let's go.
- Spinner: Um, I can't, man. My bat, it's wooden.
- Jimmy: Sorry, my ears weren't plugged this morning. Sorry.
- Spinner: I have a boner.
- Jimmy: Oh.
- Spinner: And it's been like this all week, a girl walks by and bam! It's all 'cause of Emma's stupid science fair project.
- Jimmy: What does the project have to do with it?
- Spinner: She made me eat granola and fruit.
- Jimmy: Bananas don't give you boners. Hormones do.
- Spinner: All I know is that I ate some healthy food and now I'm like the sex Superman.
- Jimmy: You're a super freak. Let's go.
- Spinner: Jimmy! I'm still in the red, remember?
- Jimmy: I don't know why I'm doing this. Here.
- [gives Spinner his binder]
- Spinner: Binder boner shield. Nice.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: [to Emma] So, Em! What are your plans for the big weekend? Got any hot dates?
- Emma Nelson: No, Mr. Simpson.
- Christine 'Spike' Nelson: Emma's been working really hard on her science fair project.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: Oh, great. Uh, what's it on again?
- Emma Nelson: The effect of healthy breakfast on school performance. The better you eat, the better you perform.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: That's very impressive.
- Emma Nelson: Thanks, Mr. Simpson.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: Emma... um, Mr. Simpson is fine for school, but when we're here, I'd like it if you called me Archie.
- Emma Nelson: Would you pass the kung pow, Mr. Simpson?
- Emma Nelson: [about Mr. Simpson] Every time I turn around, there he is. At home, at school...
- Manny: Can you ever get too much Mr. Simpson?
- Emma Nelson: Uh, yeah! He came over again for dinner last night and guess what he asked me?
- Manny: What?
- Emma Nelson: If I had any hot dates this weekend.
- Manny: Ew, gross.
- Emma Nelson: You want grosser? He wants me to call him by his first name, Archie!
- Manny: Does that make your mom Betty?
- Emma Nelson: I always thought she was more of a Veronica type.
- J.T. Yorke: [to Emma] Whoa, what I do now?
- Emma Nelson: You did better after eating junk. You faked my test and you ruined my project.
- J.T. Yorke: Moi? Why would I do that? I only did your stupid project for the free food.
- Emma Nelson: Well, there's no other explanation.
- Toby Isaacs: Sure, there is. The health food you eat for breakfast stinks.
- J.T. Yorke: Yeah, and it's trying to escape.
- [burps]
- Spinner: [to Emma] I'm not eating any more granola.
- Emma Nelson: You don't have to. You already messed up my project.
- Spinner: You messed up my life. Your health food un-released the beast within.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: [to Emma] So, how's the project?
- Emma Nelson: How does it look? A disaster.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: What's the matter?
- Emma Nelson: JT and Spinner are the matter. My hypothesis fell apart.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: You know, Einstein said that imagination is more key than knowledge. Maybe you need to get a little creative. Look at things from another angle.
- Emma Nelson: Gee, that's helpful. How handy it is to have you right here in my house.
- Liberty Van Zandt: [as she shows Mr. Simpson her science project] Hour 147, notice a lack of green on the fern. Hour 148, even the cactus is beginning to dry out. Hour 140...
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: Thank you, Liberty. That'll do.
- Liberty Van Zandt: But there's 52 more hours.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: Oh, I'm sure there are. If only we had enough time.
- Emma Nelson: Okay, for my project, I set out to prove that healthy food is good for you, but as scientists we must remember the human factor. Take JT Yorke, for example. His results threw me until I realized that chocolate and burritos make him happy. Better mood, better performance.
- Liberty Van Zandt: What about Spinner Mason? How do you explain his results?
- Emma Nelson: Margin of error. It makes sense since it is Spinner.
- Jimmy: [to Spinner] Still in the red zone?
- [Spinner nods and takes food out of his locker]
- Jimmy: What are you doing?
- Spinner: Fighting the health food molecules. Chemicals and preservatives are the antidote.
- Jimmy: It's not the health food molecules giving you boners, you realize that?
- Spinner: How do you know?
- Jimmy: Because that's stupid.
- Spinner: You're stupid. Man, all I have to do is get back my chemical enriched metabolism and I'll be back to my old self.
- Manny: [after Emma wins at the science fair]
- [whispers to Liberty]
- Manny: You are so jealous.
- Liberty Van Zandt: I'm not jealous. I'm appalled. Teacher's pet wins again.
- Liberty Van Zandt: [to Emma] So it's true?
- Emma Nelson: Simpson is dating my mom, yes.
- Liberty Van Zandt: And now everyone knows. Embarrassing. Of course, I was a victim of gossip last year, so I sympathize.
- Emma Nelson: Thanks, Liberty.
- Liberty Van Zandt: You're welcome. Now let's talk about what you're going to do.
- Emma Nelson: About what?
- Liberty Van Zandt: There was a judging bias in your favor. Simpson's dating your mom.
- Emma Nelson: So?
- Liberty Van Zandt: So his bias doesn't bother you?
- Manny: Don't listen to her, Em.
- Liberty Van Zandt: She can make up her own mind. It should bother you because you, Emma Nelson, are a woman of conscience. One simple solution: turn in the award.
- Emma Nelson: [to Mr. Simpson] Kids are talking that I won the award because of favoritism.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: What?
- Emma Nelson: Well, it's true. When guys like you date single moms, they always try to bribe the kids.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: Guys like me? We need to discuss this later.
- Emma Nelson: No, we're going to discuss this now.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: Emma, class is about to start.
- Emma Nelson: I don't care. You're biased. Just admit it, Archie!
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: Emma, you won the award on your own merits. The runner-up, Liberty Van Zandt, made a strong effort, but the judges thought it lacked flair. Yours was exciting and original.
- Emma Nelson: Original, exciting. Of course that's what you're going to say.
- Archie 'Snake' Simpson: Because it's the truth! And I'm not the only one who felt that way. Look at the judging sheets.
- [gives Emma the sheets; Emma sighs]
- Paige Michalchuk: [after Spinner's boner is shown in class] Okay, that is why no one should ever wear track pants.