Curb Your Enthusiasm (TV Series)

The Pants Tent (2000)

Richard Lewis: Richard Lewis

Photos 

Quotes 

• Richard Lewis : Listen, Saturday night, do me a favor. I love you, all right? We have enough good stuff in the bank to get over this. But Saturday night, at dinner, could we maybe, maybe try to have an apology from you?

  Larry David : First of all, there's no way I can have dinner with you on Saturday night. That's out.

  Richard Lewis : Hold it... am I hearing this?

  Larry David : I'm not... have dinner? Dinner?

  Richard Lewis : You know, our relationship's at stake right now.

  Larry David : Huh?

  Richard Lewis : The relationship's at stake.

  Larry David : Get outta here!

  Richard Lewis : You better call me later on, by sundown.

  Larry David : By sundown? What are you, Gary Cooper, by sundown?

  Richard Lewis : That's funny. You know, I'm trying not to laugh, but that's funny. You better call me by sundown.

  Larry David : By sundown? Is the posse gonna come get me?

  Richard Lewis : That's right.

• Richard Lewis : First of all, I'm getting, I have that irregular heart thing and this is not a good thing, I'm a recovering alcoholic, this is all very bad for me.

  Larry David : What, we're doing the litany now? What else is wrong?

  Richard Lewis : Yeah, I can give you the litany. Want to know what my cholesterol was? 272! Alright? So I don't need this shit, man.

  Larry David : OK.

  Richard Lewis : I've known her for six weeks, we've already had intercourse, she's loving, she speaks seven languages...

  Larry David : Congratulations on the intercourse.

  Richard Lewis : ...and I happen to be a little bit in love with her, OK?

  Larry David : Well, a ''little' bit should be the operative word here.

  Richard Lewis : Well, I don't know how to get... it's... first of all, it's none of your fuckin' business because you are the most insensitive person that I've ever seen...

  Larry David : Did she ask you to go over some of the Neil Simon scripts at night? The actress, make you do some readings at night with her? In bed? Does she give you a script and go over the lines with you on the sides? Do you read the sides with her?

  Richard Lewis : She reads Wiesel. She reads a lot of things.

  Larry David : She reads Wiesel?

  Richard Lewis : That's right. You know, not everyone's a moron I go out with, by the way.

  Larry David : You know what she should be reading? EMILY FUCKING POST!

• Larry David : What are you looking at me like that for?

  Richard Lewis : Because I've never been married, and I think I'm in love, and I think you might have ruined this for me.

  Larry David : Come on, 'ruined it'. If I did, I did you a favor, by the way.

  Richard Lewis : That's... that's one of the most insensitive things that you've ever said...

  Larry David : I don't think it's insensitive, I think it's sensitive. I think it's sensitive. I do.

  Richard Lewis : Let me tell you something. This is a woman who knows seven languages, she's very sweet,

  [Larry looks away] 

  Richard Lewis : I'm taking a leak, the movie's about to start... look at me! Can you look at me, can you respect me? I drove down here in rush hour, can you at least look at me? And those seats are like this...

  Larry David : She didn't make any effort.

  Richard Lewis : ...she tried...

  Larry David : She didn't try...

  Richard Lewis : ...and you went, 'DO YOU MIND? CAN'T YOU MOVE?'

  Larry David : No, no... no, no...

  Richard Lewis : And then, here's the coup de grace, you looked at her breasts!

  Larry David : No, no, no, I didn't look at her breasts.

  Richard Lewis : You're looking at my girlfriend's breasts!

  Larry David : First of all, those are not breasts, they're just big chemical balls, OK? They're not breasts.

  Richard Lewis : How do you know they're fake?

  Larry David : I can take a guess.

  Richard Lewis : OK, so maybe they are fake, what's the big deal?

  Larry David : Nothing, don't call them breasts. They're not breasts.