- Jane: You know the real way to tell if a man likes you? Have a drink with him, and if he puts his glass down really close to yours, that means he really likes you and something's definitely going to happen.
- Sally: You know, I think Patrick does that. I think he does that glass thing.
- Jane: Of course, as indicators go, an enormous erection's a bit more reliable.
- The Melty Man: Join me, Patrick
- Patrick: Never! You killed my erection!
- The Melty Man: No, Patrick, I *am* your erection.
- Patrick: Nooooo!
- Steve: Maybe you just don't fancy her.
- Patrick: But she was naked. She could've been anyone.
- Steve: Should you kiss her now or does that mean you gotta start from the top again?
- Jeff: Should you be making noises yet? Is it too soon to grunt?
- Steve: [snaps fingers] And then, the killer - out of nowhere, for no reason you can think of, you call her *huskily* "baby".
- Jeff: You never called her baby before.
- Steve: You've never called anyone baby before.
- Jeff: So why did you just call her baby? Suddenly you're starting to blush
- Steve: Now, you're blushing *and* you've got and erection. No-one's got enough blood!
- Jeff: The engines cut. They can't take it.
- Steve: Then the melty man hits you with his secret weapon.
- Jeff: Just one single thought is placed in your mind at this crucial time.
- Steve: Please God! Don't let me lose my erection!
- Jeff: [hand goes down] Pufff.
- Patrick: [with terror and disblief] How do you guys manage to have sex?
- Steve: ["duh!" voice] We don't.
- Jeff: I haven't had sex in years.
- Steve: It's just not possible anymore.
- Jeff: We are followers of the melty man.
- Steve: And you're one of us now.
- Patrick: There is no connection between my dick and my brain!
- Sally: [trying to figure out why Patrick was unable to 'perform'] Do you find me physically attractive?
- Patrick: Yes, you look great. You've got a great body.
- Sally: So what is it? My feet? My taste in hats, what?
- Patrick: There's nothing I don't like. What's wrong with you!
- Sally: Nothing, apparently! My great personality is inside my great body. So why aren't you?
- Sally: I'm only thirty and I've got a neck that can remember D-Day.
- Patrick: Body swerve. Close one, Patrick.
- Sally: It's against the rules. It's a chain of command thing. I'm naked. He salutes.
- Patrick: You're like a friend to me, only you're a woman.
- Sally: I don't need you to think of me as a person, I've got women for that.
- Patrick: If I don't like a woman, if there's no chemistry, if I'm not attracted to her, then I don't lead her on. I just get out of there. Every time. Before she even wakes up.
- Patrick: No more theories, no more doors. This time ... I'm going in.
- Patrick: You don't have to be thoughtful when it comes to the body swerve.
- Patrick: Come on, rocket man. Let's fly her ... to the moon.
- Patrick: Sally, there are some words you just don't say to a man. They're too technical, like commitment or cervix.
- Patrick: You can come inside if you like.
- Sally: Yes, but can you?
- Jeff: Are you making noises yet? Is it too soon to grunt?
- Sally: It's a very simple physical process, you know. It's just an autonomic reflex increasing blood flow through the pudendal artery. Okay, so I've got a book. Sometimes I get lonely.
- Jeff: All of us, in our time, are visited by the melty man.
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