- Miguel: [complaining to hotel manager] How come there's no soft toilet paper?
- Mr. Bastardos: This is the "Hotel Bastardos"! You want the soft toilet paper? You go to the Hotel Gayboy!
- Cafe Owner: Aw c'mon guys, ten steaks each? Are you joking?
- Miguel: Do we look like comedians?
- Carlos: What do you call a man with his ding-a-ling in a piece of melon?
- Cafe Owner: I don't know.
- Carlos: Christopher. See what I mean? Now get the steaks, amigo.