Clerks (TV Series)
Leonardo Leonardo Returns and Dante Has an Important Decision to Make (2001)
Alec Baldwin: Leonardo Leonardo
Photos
Quotes
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Leonardo Leonardo : I want to offer you a job working here - for me. I want you lock, stock, and barrel.
Randal Graves : Is this some sort of gay thing?
Leonardo Leonardo : No.
Randal Graves : You're sure?
Leonardo Leonardo : Yyyyyyyyyyyes.
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Leonardo Leonardo : For far too long, the Quick Stop has been a home for rampant overcharging and poorly educated, rude clerks...
Dante Hicks : You don't suppose he's talking about us?
Randal Graves : Naw.
Leonardo Leonardo : ...with names like Dante and Handal...
Randal Graves : RANDAL!
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Leonardo Leonardo : [On intercom] Welcome to Quicker Stop, home of both convenience and quality only, quicker. Plus a selection of high end adult magazines.
Leonardo Leonardo : While you're here, shop at our best seller department complete with its own coffee bar.
Leonardo Leonardo : Or drop by our music shop also with its own coffee bar.
Leonardo Leonardo : Or perhaps you'd rather visit our international coffee bar complete with its own little book department which has its own super teeny tiny coffee bar inside. And a selection of tiny adult magazines.
Leonardo Leonardo : And finally, as you enter the hall of mirrors, you might notice, you're not alone. For you see, I'm shopping with you.
Customer : The dead live!
[the customer freaks out and runs out of the store]
Customer : [the customer runs back inside to purchase groceries, then runs back out]
[the customer runs back in to pay for groceries, and runs back out again]
Cashier : Sir, your change.
[the customer returns for his change, and runs out with his groceries]
Leonardo Leonardo : Phase one complete.
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Randal Graves : I'll bet he never ordered the dome.
Dante Hicks : You know, he offered us college.
Randal Graves : Are you kidding? I haven't seen anything more clearer in my life. Leonardo Leonardo must be destroyed.
Leonardo Leonardo : [In a room away from Dante and Randal] I can hear you, you know!
Randal Graves : It was Dante!
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[repeated line]
Leonardo Leonardo : Well played, Clerks.
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Plug : Sir, we've just received this report. Apparently, the Quick Stop is still in business.
Leonardo Leonardo : I see... bring this Quick Stop to me.
Plug : Sir, it's a store.
Leonardo Leonardo : BRING IT!
Plug : Okay... how about I just bring you the two kids that run it instead?
Leonardo Leonardo : Very well... for now!
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Leonardo Leonardo : Do you like my desk? I built it myself. And I have all these pieces left.
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Leonardo Leonardo : My vengeance will be neither swift nor entertaining! I will mete it out over decades, so that you will wonder if the misery in your life is manifest, the machinations of Leonardo Leonardo, or... some third thing. Good day!