- Cliff Clavin: [offering Kelly some of his vegetable preparations] Beetabega fajita-on-a-pita?
- Kelly Gaines: [thinking he's speaking Spanish] No habla espanol, senor.
- Kelly Gaines: Oh Woody, you make me feel so ashamed. Your gift makes all those others seem so cheap.
- Woody Boyd: [embracing her] Oh Kelly, you're the best girl in the whole world.
- Kelly Gaines: And to think that for your Birthday, I was going to get you a Porsche. Talk about shallow. All you really need is to hear me say, 'I love you too.'
- [suddenly notices that Woody has grown very quiet]
- Kelly Gaines: Woody... Woody?
- Woody Boyd: I'm sorry, did you say something after 'Porsche?'
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [talking to Woody] I remember when I was courting a certain beauty. I wrote her a poem. It wasn't a great piece of literature, but it expressed my feelings honestly. I recall reciting the last lines when we were sitting on a fire, basking in our love: "Your lips are a flame that consumes me / and the candle that lights my way."
- Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Frasier, love...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, dearest?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: I never heard that drivel before in my life.
- [then dumps cocktail onto Frasier's pants and leaves]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [nervous] I wonder whose lips those were.
- [Woody has written a song for Kelly for her birthday, the song which he sings for her at her birthday party]
- Woody Boyd: Kelly, my darlin', you are my sunshine. When we're together, I feel fine. Your smile is so lovely, your hair is so clean. You make me feel the whole world is mine. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, K-E-L-L-Y. Why? Because you're Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly of mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
- Carla LeBec: [after seeing Rebecca dressing up and trying to adopt the same demeanor as Lilith] Sheesh! Two Liliths! This is like a nightmare I had once.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [sounding shocked] You too?
- Sam Malone: Don't be bitter.
- Woody Boyd: I'm not bitter, Sam. I'm just consumed by a gnawing hate that's eating away at my gut until I can taste the bile in my mouth!
- [pause]
- Woody Boyd: Does anybody have a Tic-Tac?
- [everybody moves away from him]
- Woody Boyd: I just never expected this from Kelly. I'm really mad at her. She's just a rich... a rich... I'd like to call her a nasty name, but I can't think of anything that rhymes with 'rich!'
- Rebecca Howe: Do you think that you could help me develop a more business-like appearance?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: I'd love to, Rebecca. And may I say, it's about time you asked. There are two approaches a woman can take in turning her look to her advantage. The first is to play upon the male's sexual drive and turn yourself into an object of desire. I have opted for the second.
- Rebecca Howe: What's that?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Scaring them stupid.
- Woody Boyd: Did Mrs. Peterson ever make a fool out of you in front of other people?
- Norm Peterson: Yeah, there was the time she pulled the old "I do" gag.
- Carla LeBec: Rich people stink. I hate 'em. I hate their soft shoes. The way they're too relaxed to sweat. You know what I hate most about rich people?: I'm not one of 'em.
- Woody Boyd: Yeah, Carla. You sweat like a longshoreman.