- Dawn Summers: [thinking] She and Willow are both witches. They do spells and stuff, which is so much cooler than slaying. I told Mom one time I wish they'd teach me some of the things they do together, and-and then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs.
- Buffy Summers: Giles, are you sure about this?
- Rupert Giles: Why wouldn't I be?
- Buffy Summers: Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer, have you ever run a store before?
- Rupert Giles: I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they never return. It'll give me focus, help increase my resources, and it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. There may even be some space for you to train in the back.
- Buffy Summers: Boy, you've really thought this through. How bored *were* you last year?
- Rupert Giles: I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.
- Buffy Summers: We're going to the Magic Shop. No school supplies there.
- Dawn Summers: Yeah, Mom. I'm not going to Hogwarts.
- [chuckles]
- Dawn Summers: [Buffy stares at her blankly]
- Dawn Summers: Huh...? Jeez. Crack a book sometime.
- Anya: Crap. Look at this. Now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children and more cash than I can reasonably manage.
- Xander Harris: That means you're winning.
- Anya: Really?
- Xander Harris: Yes. Cash equals good.
- Anya: Ooh! I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?
- Rupert Giles: I'm just not used to this automatic transmission. I... I loathe this just sitting here, not contributing. No, no, no, no. It's not working out.
- Buffy Summers: Giles, are you breaking up with your car?
- Rupert Giles: Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty.
- Buffy Summers: Little two-door tramp.
- Dawn Summers: [thinking] I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me too much. I think it's 'cause he's just so... old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word 'newfangled' one time... so he's gotta be pretty far gone.
- Harmony Kendall: I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework, reading books and stuff.
- Spike: What, "Evil for Dummies?"
- Dawn Summers: T-Touch me and my sister's gonna kill you.
- [Cyrus pokes Dawn with his finger, then a cross-bow bolt kills him]
- Buffy Summers: Can't say she didn't warn him.
- [last lines]
- Dawn Summers: [thinking] She still thinks I'm a little Miss Nobody, just her dumb little sister. Boy, is she in for a surprise.
- Buffy Summers: You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home!
- Dawn Summers: Yeah, well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me.
- Buffy Summers: Fine. I'll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night, that you got Anya hurt, invited a vampire in, got kidnapped...
- Riley Finn: Morning, Mrs. Summers. You look great.
- Joyce Summers: Oh, thank you, Riley.
- [leaves]
- Buffy Summers: Suck-up.
- Riley Finn: What? it's a nice outfit.
- Buffy Summers: Mm-hmm.
- Riley Finn: Besides, "I'm here to violate your firstborn" never goes over with parents. I'm not sure why.
- [Xander about to baby-sit Dawn]
- Joyce Summers: Dawn, be good.
- Xander Harris: Oh, we will. We're just gonna play with matches, run with scissors, and take candy from some guy. I don't know his name.
- Buffy Summers: Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad, you suck.
- Willow Rosenberg: Drama is just Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. You can blow off training Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, can't you?
- Buffy Summers: What happened to "people gotta respect a work ethic"?
- Willow Rosenberg: Other people, not me. There's a whole "best friend loophole."
- Xander Harris: [to Dawn, holding a pizza] Check this out, they put cheese on round bread. It's gonna be big.
- [first lines]
- Rupert Giles: [to Buffy] There is nothing but you... You are the center... And within you, there is the core of your being... of what you are... Find it... Breathe into it... Focus inward. Let the world fall away... Fall away... Fall away.
- Riley Finn: Okay, well, we'll hook up later.
- Buffy Summers: Are you mad at me?
- Riley Finn: Oh, no, not at all. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way.
- Joyce Summers: I have to be at the pre-show reception in half an hour. Who's gonna watch Dawn?
- Dawn Summers: [from other room] I don't need anyone to watch me!
- Joyce Summers, Buffy Summers: Yes, you do!
- Riley Finn: So you want your mother to give you space to be a Slayer *and* shield you from it at the same time.
- Xander Harris: Thank you, Logic Boy. Did I mention this is a rant? Sense really has no place in it.