Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

Buffy vs. Dracula (2000)

Nicholas Brendon: Xander Harris

Photos 

Quotes 

• Xander Harris : Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into a spider-eating man-bitch?

  Buffy Summers : He's gone.

  Xander Harris : Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey.

  Buffy Summers : Check. No more butt monkey.

• Xander : I'm exhausted just lookin' at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running. Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?

  Anya : Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness.

  Tara Maclay : Oh, which can cause the, um, pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put.

  Willow Rosenberg : I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks.

• Dracula : I have no interest in you. Leave us.

  Xander Harris : No, we're not going to

  [in Dracula's accent] 

  Xander Harris : "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street?

  [as the Count on Sesame Street] 

  Xander Harris : Vun, two, three - three victims. Mwa ha ha.

• Buffy Summers : Where's my burger?

  Riley Finn : Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.

  Xander Harris : The, uh, fire is not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman.

  Willow Rosenberg : Ignis, incende!

  [roaring fire starts in grill] 

  Buffy Summers : Willow, check you out! Witch-fu!

  Willow Rosenberg : It's no big. You just balance the elements so when you affect one, you don't wind up causing...

  [a storm rises and they all have to flee] 

  Willow Rosenberg : I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

• [Xander has been put under Dracula's control] 

  Xander Harris : I'm supposed to deliver you to the Master now... There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?

  Buffy Summers : Take me to him.

• Anya : [about Dracula]  I doubt he'd remember me. I was just a silly young thing. I mean, like seven hundred or so. But he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever, which was really sweet, don't you think?

  Xander Harris : Adorable.

  Anya : It was a great spell. I made this jerk incredibly fat, like a human minivan. You should just mention my name if you see him again.

  Xander Harris : Or better yet, why don't you just go sit on top of a crypt and flaunt your neck cleavage until Dracula shows up? Then you two can talk private.

  Anya : Oh please, don't tell me you're jealous.

• [Xander has been put under Dracula's control] 

  Xander Harris : I think you're drawing a low of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince!

  [everyone gives him a strange look] 

  Xander Harris : Bator.

• [Xander has been put under Dracula's control] 

  Willow Rosenberg : Well, I think we have Dracula factoids.

  Xander Harris : Like any of that's enough to fight the dark Master.

  [everyone stares at him] 

  Xander Harris : Bator.

• Xander Harris : Blood? Yes, yes! I will serve you, your Excellent Spookiness.

  [Dracula frowns] 

  Xander Harris : Or Master. I'll just stick with Master.