- Ben Sandwich: You know what this script is? It's poopy!
- Little Boy Writer: It's not poopy. You're poopy!
- Cory Matthews: What are you looking for?
- Eric Matthews: Well, I'm supposed to shoot hoops and I can't find them anywhere.
- Cory Matthews: Can't find what?
- Eric Matthews: My tube socks! My lucky tube socks! Have you seen them anywhere?
- Cory Matthews: Oh, uh, you're gonna find this kind of hard to believe Eric but, uh, last night for no logical reason that you could possibly think of, I did the wash instead of Mom and well... This is so funny.
- Eric Matthews: Where are my lucky tube socks?
- Cory Matthews: [Producing a tiny pair of tube socks] Well, I don't think they're so lucky anymore.
- Will Friedle: ["Eric" breaks character now revealing that he is, in fact, Will Friedle] That's not the line!
- Ben Savage: What?
- Will Friedle: The line was, "Honey, I shrunk the tube socks".
- Ben Savage: Oh, uh, I know. I'm sorry, Will. I was trying something new.
- Will Friedle: Ohhhh! You were just trying something new? Here why don't you try this?
- [he begins throwing laundry at Ben Savage]
- Will Friedle: Is this new?
- [He continues throwing things, breaking dishes and screaming]
- Will Friedle: Is this new to you? New! YAAAAH! I quit! I'm outta here!
- [He storms off the set. Shawn enters]
- Shawn Hunter: Cory, Eric. Guess what? I blew up another mailbox.
- [He looks around at the trashed set and breaks character]
- Rider Strong: What? Did Will flip out again?
- Ben Savage: Yeah, yeah he did. What are we gonna do? I mean, he's gonna be hard to replace.
- Rider Strong: Yeah, you're right.
- [They look around]
- Rider Strong: Hey banana boy! Wanna be a star?
- Ben Savage: Huh?
- Schneider: Look, Rory. All you have to do is get the keys to your father's car and his credit card.
- Ben Sandwich: I don't know Shane. I got a real bad feeling about this one, you know. I've never done anything like this bef-Oh man! We're doing this story again? How many times have we done this, Matt? A hundred thousand?
- Schneider: He's yelling again. Stop the yelling.
- Ben Sandwich: You know, how can I learn so much every week and still be so stupid?
- Schneider: Oh! Make him stop! Make him stop!
- Schneider: Sometimes I get shy. People who aren't shy make me nervous.
- Wounded Bird Actress: Hi!
- Schneider: Oh, no. It's her.
- Wounded Bird Actress: Oh! Are you the new guy?
- Eric Matthews: Yeah.
- Wounded Bird Actress: Have you met Schneider? Schneider is very shy.
- [she hugs Schneider]
- Schneider: Too close! Too close! Too close!
- Wounded Bird Actress: Deep down I'm shy too. I'm a wounded bird. Schneider and me are wounded birds!
- Schneider: [whispering to Eric] Help me!
- Ben Sandwich: Hey, Schneider. Listen, maybe you can give me a little something to play off today, okay? Huh? You dead person. You silent freak. You know, I am so sick and tired of carrying this show.
- Schneider: I'm sorry, Mr. Sandwich, please don't be upset with me. I need this job so I can pay for college and get an education.
- Ben Sandwich: [laughs] An education? Son, listen. This show goes four years, they'll give you an honorary degree. You'll be Doctor Creepy Weirdo.
- George Feeny: You call this a classroom? There are only nine desks. Are we supposed to believe there are only nine students in the whole class?
- Matt Frazier: Actually, camera angles will make it appear to be more.
- George Feeny: That's diabolical.
- Eric Matthews: Thanks for coming with me, Mr. Feeny. It would've been so uncool if my parents came.
- George Feeny: Well, I'm just here to see that you get settled. Now, remember. Keep both your feet on the ground. This town is swimming with sharks.
- Eric Matthews: Hey! Stop attacking my town. The people here are real down to earth. Real kindly folk.
- [Aggressive Actress slams her golf cart into theirs]
- Aggressive Actress: Hey! Get out of my space!
- Eric Matthews: Hey, there's one of them now. Hi, nice person!
- Aggressive Actress: What do I have to do? Call my attorney? Get out of my space!
- [with one final shove Eric and Feeny's golf cart moves and Aggressive Actress pulls into the space]
- Aggressive Actress: Thank you!
- George Feeny: You're welcome. And who might you be, little girl?
- Aggressive Actress: I'm not a little girl. I'm forty-two! I just play little girls on TV!
- [She walks by and pinches Eric on the rear]
- Aggressive Actress: Hello!