Boston Legal (TV Series)

Questionable Characters (2004)

William Shatner: Denny Crane

Quotes 

• Judge William Howe : [Denny has been arrested for solicitation; he and Alan are in the judge's chambers]  You thought she had one leg?

  Denny Crane : A trip to Belize is a fair and square deal, Bill. Hell, if I had a nickel for every woman I promised to marry in exchange for sex... Actually, I do.

  Judge William Howe : I'm supposed to believe this? Your father told you the best sex was to be had with amputees? You saw this woman limping and you were simply... overcome?

  Alan Shore : You're leaving out the most important factor, Your Honor.

  Judge William Howe : Which is...?

  Alan Shore : The Red Sox. For years, many years, they have at one time or another made each and every one of us insane. Last October, when they lost the seventh game to the Yankees, crime went up in this city. It's already been predicted we'll have a flood of August babies next year from celebration-induced pregnancies. The Red Sox make us loose ourselves. And in the wake of that team giving us what our hearts have yearned for all our lives - our parents' and grandparents' lives - we have fallen victim to a delirium that makes us believe anything, anything is possible. Including, but not limited to the notion that God put a fetching, one-legged woman in this man's path to commemorate the end of a wretched, horrid curse.

  [the judge looks at them both, incredulously] 

  Denny Crane : You know me, Bill. I have hookers all the time. They come to my house. Why would I pull over to the side of the road?

  Judge William Howe : [sighs and waves them away]  Go. Beat it.